Agent Adrift
by Mokibobolink
Summary: Set between Last Man Standing & Agent Afloat - Tony, still reeling from events in LA and struggling to do his duty on the Seahawk, suddenly goes UA. Can Gibbs get to the bottom of Tony's last case & find him? Angst!/Hurt!Tony, PapaGibbs. NOW COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

_Hello folks!_

_Well here it is, my newest NCIS fic. I've got two chapters ready so far and a few more in various stages of completion. I know I said I wouldn't post until this one was complete but I just can't wait anymore and frankly I'm curious to see what y'all think. As this story has a bit more Angst!Tony. But don't worry, it will still have plenty of Hurt!Tony and even some Competent!Tony as well as (of course) lots of PapaGibbs. _

_Major thanks and big hugs to my beta SlowSnail. You rock dude! :o)_

_Hope y'all like it. _

_-Moki_

Chapter One

"_Take care of yourself Tony, don't go falling overboard."_

_-----------------_

After helping his former junior team member and former boss (he hated thinking of them as "former" anything), Tony walked back to the office for the Agent Afloat on board the Seahawk. Talking to them briefly reminded him once again just how much he missed everyone back in D.C.. It never ceased to amaze him that on an aircraft carrier surrounded by about 5,000 people, Tony never felt so alone in his life.

Deciding that he couldn't go back to his cramped office, Tony took a sudden turn and headed down a ladder on his right. Keeping his head down he doubted anyone noticed him as he walked quickly by, going to the one place he knew he could be alone.

Reaching his destination, Tony opened the door and felt the sun hit his face. He had discovered the spot purely by accident one morning while searching for the mess. He'd been completely lost and wound up somehow in the hangar bay. Doing his best to avoid getting in anyone's way as the huge aircraft were moved around, he had ducked out the first door he'd seen.

To his surprise he had ended up on a small walkway. It was barely two steps between two doors and the only thing between him and a very long fall into some very deep water was a couple poles with a chain hanging over them. It looked out over the back end of the carrier and was far from silent as aircraft took off and landed almost constantly overhead.

Even with all the noise, it felt like paradise to the NCIS agent. A small piece of the world he could call his own and he snatched it. Sometimes he wasn't always completely alone, the area being a go-between for some of the seamen on board, but most of the time it was all his.

Looking out over the sea, Tony ran a hand through his hair, watching the water pass below him faster than one would think a ship that large could move. He'd been on the Seahawk for a couple months but somehow it had seemed liked years. Somehow it didn't seem that long at all either.

Not that long since he'd made the biggest mistake of his life.

Shaking his head as the thoughts came unbidden to his mind, Tony stood up straight, keeping a steady hand on the chain serving as a railing on the "balcony" of sorts. Turning his head upward, he let the breeze hit him in the face. He hoped the cool air would blow away the thoughts that came to him whenever he had a quiet moment. Things that brought him out of a dead sleep in the middle of the night, panting and covered in sweat, usually calling out a single name.

Tony smiled ruefully knowing that most of his friends would think some very interesting thoughts if they knew he woke up in the middle of the night shouting a woman's name. For the well-known playboy, that could only mean one thing. How surprised would they be to find out that it wasn't passion, but terror, that woke him out of a less than peaceful rest every night?

The nightmares had gotten so bad that Tony had taken to sleeping in his office. A few screams here and there no one would care or notice, things like that could happen to men serving on a ship together. As the frequency increased though, Tony knew it was just a matter of time before one of his bunkmates reported the odd behavior of the NCIS Agent Afloat. Sleeping on the floor of his office gave him the privacy he needed to keep his personal turmoil continually hidden.

Unfortunately there had been another solution to the nightmares. One that Tony didn't want to admit to himself. It had started so innocently. The day he had returned to DC after his utter and complete failure. Going down to Ducky's lab to drink to Jenny's memory had seemed harmless. No one had any way of knowing where that would lead. Not even Tony.

As the tremors in his hands continued, Tony tried to ignore them like he usually did, though it never worked. Nightmares were something one had at night. What could it be called when they occurred in the middle of a sunny afternoon looking out at the ocean? Daymares?

Tony had promised himself that he wasn't going to drink when he woke up that morning but as the day had worn on that promise had gotten harder and harder to keep. The chat with Gibbs and McGee had been a nice diversion, playing with the computer and helping the Probie and the Boss with some top secret mission. Tony had enjoyed the banter that had come so easily, teasing McGee and headslapping himself for his Boss. He knew that both of them had fallen for the act. Heck, he'd almost fallen for it himself. It had almost felt like old times.

Almost.

As soon as he left the comm. room, Tony knew, if anything, seeing and talking with McGee and Gibbs had just made his day worse. He couldn't stop thinking about how much he missed them, his home, his old job, everything. Then those thoughts inevitably led to _why_ he no longer had those things, why he had been banished to sea…

Why it was all very much his fault.

When the Seahawk had been docked earlier it would have been so easy to walk off, go to the local bar and toss back a few. He'd done it before, many times, but that morning Tony kept himself aboard. He had been determined to break the habit, angry with himself for allowing it to go as far as it had.

Now they were at sea again and Tony wondered if he made the wrong choice. After all, who would care if he had gone to have a couple drinks at the local hangout? Wasn't that what someone did after they'd been at sea for a couple weeks? Go off and do the things they couldn't do while on the carrier?

Except Tony knew that he wasn't doing it just to relax. Unlike the rest of the crew that hit the bars the moment they were on leave, Tony went there with a mission. The alcohol was a crutch. With it flowing in his system he sometimes would forget for hours at a time the horror of seeing her face lying in a pool of her own blood.

The images came to his mind before he could stop them. Driving in the car and arriving at the old diner in the desert. Knowing as soon as he saw the shot up windows that something was wrong. Walking through the carnage of the gun battle he'd been helpless to stop. Seeing her there with no life left in her. Knowing that it was all his fault no matter how much his partner, his boss, everyone, had tried to convince him otherwise.

Tony wondered if maybe he should go searching the bunks of a few of the known boozers on board. Being the Agent Afloat had it's advantages and he was quite familiar with who was doing what. If a few confiscated bottles went missing, who'd know, right?

He'd know.

"Dammit Anthony, get ahold of yourself!" Tony said aloud, disgusted with himself for even thinking of such a thing. What the hell was wrong with him?

Trying desperately to stop thinking about the things he most certainly did _not _want to think about, he turned his mind to the job. Because the job was the only other thing that kept his agile mind busy enough to keep the bad thoughts at bay. Most of the time.

The case he'd completed the day before still hung heavily on his shoulders. It had been a long, arduous investigation that had resulted in quite a few men in the brig and quite a few more men pissed off that their friends had been sent away. The stress had been a lot but Tony wished it were just that. A few pissed off sailors he could handle. That would be easy.

It was the other thing that bothered him. The thing that had been running through his mind over and over again for months.

"Dammit!" Tony repeated fiercely, feeling the familiar tremble in his hands that he couldn't ignore, the fear that threatened to take over. Not fear for himself. Again that would be easier. No it was fear for another. Old fear. Fear that was unnecessary, since …..well, she was dead actually. No need to worry about her now, right?

Worrying wouldn't do her any good now. Not that worrying would have done her any good then either. No, what would have done her good back then was an agent who knew his crap and was on the job. Not an agent who'd been out gallivanting, hoping to get some tail and ogling his partner and…..

The shaking in Tony's hands went straight to his gut and he all but turned on his heel right then, ready to run somewhere, anywhere, so long as he didn't have to keep thinking about it all. Maybe he would head to the gym. Sometimes that helped. He would run on the treadmill until he was so exhausted that he could tell himself that the shaking was due to tired muscles, not anything else.

Tony was about to leave when he saw one of the doors behind him open of the corner of his eye. Knowing that he wasn't the only one who liked to look out at the sea at sunset to relax, Tony put on his best smile and turned around to greet the visitor. He figured there was no need to have anyone thinking that the Agent Afloat was doing anything other than enjoying the view.

The smile Tony planted firmly on his face went completely unnoticed except for the fist that greeted it. Not expecting it, the stunned agent didn't even get a chance to duck as his jaw took the force of the blow, snapping his head back. Momentarily disoriented, he put up his hands to defend himself. Too late.

Strong arms grabbed him by the shoulders and roughly pushed him closer to the edge. Before he could do anything or even scream, he found himself falling.

As the ocean below flew up towards him Tony couldn't help but to think of the last thing McGee had said to him before he'd signed off with his former partners. Little did the Probie know how his words would end up coming true.

"_Take care of yourself Tony, don't go falling overboard."_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"_We'll make it."_

----

In the dark and quiet house a gasp was heard. The lone figure sleeping in the main bedroom sat straight up. Looking around he immediately sought out any signs of trouble. He surveyed his silent room lit by the moonlight and saw nothing amiss.

Unable to shake the idea that something was wrong, the man rose, walking out of the room curiously. He left his Sig where it was, thinking that maybe he'd missed a knock at his door or the ring of his phone, nothing dangerous enough for a weapon.

Checking the door first and then both the house phone and his cell, he padded silently around the rest of the house. Nothing seemed out of place. Still he couldn't help the feeling that something was wrong. Somewhere.

His aimless search led him down to the basement and the boat that was somehow always there, no matter how many times he completed it. Still finding nothing wrong but knowing that he'd never be able to go back to sleep, he reached for some tools.

-------

As he tumbled towards the water, Tony managed to get his wits about him fast enough to control his descent. Landing in water from a height like that could break bones if not outright kill a man. The farther one got from the surface of water, the harder it got. He knew that if he landed flat, it would feel like hitting asphalt. With barely a second to spare, Tony straightened his body and folded his arms to his sides before slamming into the water.

He went in feet first and his momentum carried him far down into the dark depths below. The backwash from the enormous engines on the carrier threw him around like a rag doll. Tony became disoriented and he felt panic rising as his lungs strained with the last gulp of air he'd managed to take.

As his head finally broke the surface, he took a massive breath, nearly choking as salt water joined oxygen in his throat. He looked up and saw that the carrier was already well away from him. She wasn't at her full speed of 35 knots but even at a more gentle 20 knots, he was already well in her wake by the time he hit the water. This was both good and bad news, he realized. Good news as he luckily missed getting caught in her propellers (wouldn't _that_ have been an interesting way to go?) and bad because he knew that no matter how much he screamed, there was no chance anyone aboard would hear him.

Tony silently treaded water, conserving his energy the best that he could. He kicked off his shoes but after a brief debate with himself, decided not to shed anymore clothing. He knew that clothes may drag him down in the water but they also might help to keep him warm. Tony chose the warmth. Eventually he would get exhausted, he knew that. A few extra pounds of clothing weren't going to make much of a difference when it came down to it at that point.

For the moment he was calm. No panic made it's way into his head and he was working hard to make sure it didn't happen.

"Sure no one may have noticed you going overboard but they'll notice the Agent Afloat missing at some point, Anthony. No need to panic," Tony spat out some more salt water that entered his mouth as he spoke reassuringly to himself. The wave had come out of nowhere and he shook his head to get the water from his eyes

There was one other thought kept him calm. The one thing that he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt. It had entered his mind the moment he'd felt himself flying off the ship and into the water. He smiled as he spoke again.

"Now you just gotta stay afloat and wait for Gibbs to find you."

-----

The next morning as Gibbs drove to the Navy yard he tried to forget the odd feeling he had had the previous night. He had worked on the boat until the sun rose, hit the shower and headed over to his favorite coffee shop for a cup of caffeine on his way in to work. Doing his best to make the day as normal as possible he hoped that it would make him forget the odd feelings that had haunted him until sunrise.

Gibbs' gut was legendary and when on a case he followed it almost without question. Except that he wasn't on a case at the moment. He had just helped Vance find the mole that had been hidden in their midst for months. McGee and Ziva were still unpacking personal items back into their desks and he had just gotten his team back. Nearly all back, anyway. One member was still missing and Gibbs wouldn't think of his team "together" again until that last desk was filled with it's previous occupant.

He and his (nearly) reassembled team hadn't gotten any assignments yet so his gut shouldn't have been working on anything. Nor had he been thinking of any cold cases recently. Fornell hadn't called him for help and neither had Franks for that matter. For all intents and purposes, Gibbs' gut should've been on vacation.

So why in the world had it woken him up in the middle of the night, causing him to fear something that hadn't been there?

Walking into the office early, Gibbs kept an eye out for anything unusual. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. McGee and Ziva had come in on time not long after he sat down, Ducky and Palmer were found to be quietly doing paperwork when he paid them a visit and Abby had been well into her first CafPow! as she worked on evidence from another team.

Finally deciding that his gut must've been wrong, Gibbs put the previous night's fears out of mind and started on his day. Looking at his watch, he saw that it was nearly time for the weekly team leader briefing with the Director. He headed up the stairs with a purpose, wanting to have a word with Vance anyway.

When the meeting was over, Gibbs walked slowly down from the Director's office to the bullpen. It had been a fairly normal meeting and Gibbs had fought hard not to mention what had really been on his mind the whole time. It wasn't out of any sense of duty that he'd refrained from saying what he wanted. It was because he knew it would get him absolutely nowhere.

Gibbs had just managed to get McGee and Ziva back on his team and as much as he wanted DiNozzo back right away, he knew that pushing Vance anymore on the subject would be pointless. He wasn't sure why Vance felt it necessary to keep his former Senior Field Agent on a carrier, but the other man was adamant about it.

Actually Gibbs had his suspicions about what the Director was doing with Tony but he was determined not to voice them. Not until the Director gave him no other choice. Gibbs sincerely hoped he was wrong too. He didn't like to think that the Director was purposely punishing DiNozzo for what happened in LA but now that the rogue agent had been captured and Ziva and McGee returned to his team, what other reason could there be?

Gibbs decided not to dwell on it. He had most of his team back and it would just have to do. For now.

As he got halfway down the stairs something struck him about the scene below. There was just something....wrong....about it. Something he couldn't quite put his finger on at first. It had nothing to do with the night before, those thoughts were nearly gone from his mind. No, this was something different.

It was too damn quiet.

McGee and Ziva were happily working at their old desks, still basking in the joy of being back on Gibbs' team. He didn't expect them to notice Tony's absence yet. Not that they didn't care about the other man but they were still getting back into the routine. He figured in a week, after that many days of silence, they'd notice.

So absorbed in his thoughts about his two agents, Gibbs didn't hear Vance come down the stairs behind him. He had just reached his desk when the Director spoke.

"Gibbs. gear up, we have a man who's UA."

Gibbs automatically started going for his gear, McGee and Ziva quickly following suit. It looked like they weren't going to get a quiet day after all.

Suddenly it struck Gibbs that he was getting the information from an unusual source and he turned to the other man suspiciously. "Why isn't this coming from dispatch?"

"Because it's not," Vance replied as if that should settle the matter. "Oh and you're going to need overnight bags, at least, for this one."

"Why?"

"Because the man went UA from the Seahawk"

Instantly Gibbs felt better knowing that they'd be working with DiNozzo. It would be nice to be on a case with someone he knew and trusted. Though he was still puzzled as to why his team would be needed at all. Whatever was happening on the ship, surely DiNozzo could handle it on his own.

"Has DiNozzo started on it?" Gibbs asked.

"No." Vance replied simply.

Gibbs dropped his bag. Enough was enough. Vance showing such blatant distrust for DiNozzo was the last straw.

"Why not? You trying to tell me that you _still _don't trust DiNozzo? Because as far as I've seen he's been doing a pretty bang up job on that carrier. Hell, on both of those carriers. So if you think I'm going to go there and do an investigation without him you are sorely…"

"DiNozzo is the one who's gone UA."

Ziva and McGee stopped packing their gear, both of them looking at the Director in shock.

Gibbs walked up to his superior. "When?" was all he asked.

"An hour. They may not have noticed so early this morning but they needed him on deck. Never responded to the call."

"An hour? You're calling us in because he's been UA for an hour? Has anyone checked the mess? Or his damn bunk?"

Gibbs was furious and also uneasy. He was trying very hard to forget the fear that he'd woken up with in the middle of the night. He couldn't, wouldn't, let himself think that the two were connected.

"They did and everywhere else they can think of, trouble is they just left port late yesterday afternoon so…" Vance trailed off.

Gibbs didn't miss Vance's meaning behind those words. The thing he didn't say but left hanging in the air.

"Uh uh, no way. DiNozzo would _never_ jump ship." Gibbs was emphatic.

"We both know he hates it there." Vance replied quietly, too disgustingly sure of himself for Gibbs' liking.

"He can hate it as much as he wants. Doesn't mean he'd leave. DiNozzo does his job. He may bitch and moan about it but he does it." Gibbs was walking to the elevator, forcing the Director to follow. "When are we leaving?"

"Wheels up in twenty minutes if you can make it." Vance replied, again in a way that told Gibbs the other man felt he already knew where the missing agent was.

Ziva and McGee grabbed the rest of their momentarily forgotten gear and ran to join their leader in the elevator. They jumped in just before the doors closed and both heard Gibbs reply.

"We'll make it."


	3. Chapter 3

_Here's the latest chapter, folks. I'll be updating as often as I can. I have more chapters in progress so hopefully there won't be too long a wait between. _

_Oh and for those who asked, "UA" stands for "unauthorized absence" according to my sources. Sorry for not explaining but since they use the term on the show I assumed it would be understood. My bad. _

_Hope y'all like the latest installment. :o)_

_-Moki_

Chapter Three

"_Nope. You're just delusional."_

----

As the sun rose the next morning, Tony welcomed it for the warmth it brought as well as the light. His unscheduled and unplanned dunk happened right as it was setting the night before, giving him no chance to panic about the coming dark. Still, the waters he'd always thought of as "warm" proved to be anything but as the long night progressed.

Tony was in pretty good shape, treading water easily for a while. It took a few hours for the fatigue to set in but once it did, it wasn't long before the shivering started.

"So much for the warm waters of the Gulf," Tony said as he shivered involuntarily. By the time the moon had risen fully his whole body ached with the effort to stay afloat. Muscles in his neck and through his shoulders and arms tensed as he fought to keep moving. His legs felt like they weighed a ton each and he wondered just how long he would be able to keep it up.

Sleep deprived throughout the night, he dozed fitfully, his eyes drooping until his head would dip forward into the water. When he was lucky he'd catch himself before his nose and mouth went under, startling awake and paddling harder for a few moments. When he wasn't so lucky he actually slept for half a second, his face submerging momentarily, causing him to choke.

After a few hours of that routine, he was exhausted and cold and when he caught sight of the glow in the eastern sky, he nearly cried in relief. The sun rise meant not only warmth but a better chance of rescue.

----

Ziva and McGee wisely decided not to try and talk to their team leader once they were on their way to the Seahawk. They had barely made it to the chopper that took them to the airfield and after changing aircraft no less than three times, they were nearly ready to land on the carrier.

McGee had been through it before and gave the Moussad agent some pointers as they came in for their final approach.

"Cross your arms over your chest and put your head down when the pilot says so," McGee shouted over the engines, trying to be heard through the large helmets they all wore.

Ziva nodded and McGee could see the excitement in her eyes. She didn't seem nervous at all and if he wasn't worried about Tony it would almost have made him smile. Of course Ziva would get a kick out of something as dangerous (no matter how routine) as landing on the small strip on an aircraft carrier.

McGee looked over at their boss sitting across from them. Unlike other flights he'd had with the ex-Marine, this time Gibbs hadn't slept at all. He sat silent as a stone the whole time, staring straight ahead. McGee knew the other man must be thinking about Tony, they were all thinking about their ex partner, but he was curious just what exactly was going through their leader's head.

Gibbs noticed his two agents stealing glances at him curiously but chose to ignore them both for the moment. His thoughts were too full of the missing member of his team.

As they got closer and closer to their destination, Gibbs couldn't help but to remember his own time as Agent Afloat. Though it had been some of the hardest work he'd ever done (being the only cop on board a ship of 5,000 souls wasn't easy), it hadn't been all that bad either. He'd been in NCIS for a while and the assignment was recommended by his team leader. Mike Franks had thought that sending his Probie off for a few months at sea would be good for the ex-Marine. It would help cement his rapidly growing knowledge and add to Gibbs' experience.

In fact, Gibbs had actually enjoyed most of his time at sea. The job had been a challenge but knowing exactly how long his deployment would last and that Franks was eagerly awaiting his return, had made it that much better.

Gibbs realized now how different his time as Agent Afloat had been from Tony's deployment. DiNozzo had no such comforts of a definite time to return nor the knowledge that his team was eagerly awaiting him. Suddenly tossed out of his team, his home and away from his friends with no idea if or when he would be back, it couldn't have been easy. In the past four months the younger man had been switched between carriers, barely getting used to one before he was thrown onto another. Gibbs had wondered why the powers that be had decided to transfer Tony so fast but hadn't been able to look into it. He had been dealing with the problems from his own newbie team and the chance had never presented itself.

Now Gibbs was going to find out why. He had no doubt that getting to the bottom of what DiNozzo had been doing in his time aboard would help find the missing agent. No matter how many people tried to point out that Tony could have simply gotten fed up and left, Gibbs would never believe it. Tony was a lot of things - a quitter wasn't one of them.

Across the hull, McGee thought he saw the boss's eyes grow a touch more steely, the glare a bit stronger. It made him wonder again what was going on in his senior's head.

They all had heard Vance's opinion on where Tony was but no one on Gibbs' team believed for one second that Tony had taken off from his duty. As much as the other man drove him to his wits' end sometimes, McGee liked Tony and he knew without a shadow of a doubt that what the older man was and wasn't capable of doing. Jumping ship just wasn't Tony's style.

The captain's voice over the intercom interrupted the junior agent's thoughts as he quickly put himself in position for landing. Taking a look to make sure that Ziva was also doing as she'd been instructed, he held on and braced himself for the familiar jerk and rapid deceleration that marked a successful trap of the plane's gear on the flight deck.

They had arrived on board the Seahawk.

As soon as they were given clearance, Gibbs undid his safety straps and was out of the door before Ziva and McGee had barely taken a breath. Unfastening themselves as quickly as possible, they grabbed their things and ran to catch up with their boss.

They walked across the noisy deck and entered a heavy metal door. The two agents nearly sighed in relief at the blessed silence that met its closing behind them. Taking off their helmets and other flight gear, they met up with the captain who showed them to the office of the Agent Afloat.

Before they entered the door, Gibbs stopped in the hallway.

"Start interviewing anyone and everyone who spoke to DiNozzo in the last twenty four hours before he went missing," Gibbs said and both of them didn't miss his avoidance of the term "UA".

"Start with his bunkmates. You have his berthing assignment, think you can find it McGee?"

Truthfully McGee really wasn't sure if he could find it but there was no way he was going to say no to the boss in his current state of mind.

"No problem, Boss," McGee replied, pulling Ziva behind him as he went in search of where Tony had slept.

Once they left, Gibbs entered the office on his own. He had wanted to do this alone, feeling a need to observe the area without any outside influence. Something about the whole situation was hitting him wrong. He had a feeling he was going to need his gut on this one more than any case he'd ever had in his life.

Closing the door behind him quietly, Gibbs looked around the small room. It was beyond tiny but considering the fact that not many people on a carrier had an office to themselves, it was a good sized space. Much as he expected, Gibbs found the place fairly neat with a few touches of Tony's inherent slovenliness showing themselves here and there – a half empty soda can on the corner of the desk, a dog-eared copy of a magazine poking out from under a few folders near the lamp.

As Gibbs made a full circuit of the room (which didn't take long) he found himself looking back by the door where he'd just entered and grinned widely. Photos of Ziva in a bikini festooned the simple bulletin board on the wall. Deciding that Tony probably wouldn't want Ziva to see those when he wasn't there to explain himself (and knowing that Ziva may read more into the pictures than intended ), Gibbs carefully took them down. Once Tony was back he could put them back up.

It was just another one of many small things that he did for the younger man, nearly without realizing it.

Gibbs knew that it didn't go unnoticed by people that he seemed to care a bit more for his Senior Field Agent than the rest of his team. Though whenever he got wind of word like that the first thing he pointed out was that he cared for _every_ member of his crew. Each one of them had been handpicked by him and though all for different reasons, they all had talent and skills he admired.

DiNozzo had been with him the longest though and while he trusted McGee and Ziva, it never could be quite the same. He and Tony had spent too much extra time together.

Plus he and Tony were more alike than either of them ever wanted to admit. Maybe not in their behavior but in other, more subtle, ways. After Gibbs had lost his wife and daughter and become estranged from his own father, he had no trouble understanding what it was like for a young man who had no family at all.

McGee saw his sister at least a couple times a month and went to see the rest of his family a few times a year. Ziva may have been separated by most of her family by a couple of oceans but he heard her call them as often as she could. She too, also made time to fly home as much as possible.

For Tony there were no phone calls home and certainly no trips home.

So when something happened to the younger man, all of Gibbs' paternal, brotherly, whatever, instincts you wanted to call them, kicked in big time. A man without a family to worry over him deserved someone who did just that.

And Gibbs took that job as seriously as he did any other.

------

After a while, Tony no longer welcomed the sun he had wished for earlier. What had once meant warmth and rescue now meant heat and lots of it. One would think that being submersed in water would preclude one from getting hot but he soon found that theory to be wrong. Way wrong.

Adrift for over 18 hours, Tony's face and neck burned with a sunburn that was only getting worse by the minute. His lips were dry and chapped and he swallowed convulsively, his body eagerly searching for moisture. It was the thirst that bothered (and worried) him the most. He knew he could probably survive without food for weeks. It was the dehydration that would kill him first. He had maybe a couple more days, tops.

"That is if a shark doesn't decide it wants some tasty Italian for dinner tonight," Tony croaked with a voice strained from thirst and smiled at his own joke. His head ached from glaring in the sun and he rubbed a hand absently across his forehead, enjoying the brief respite that the evaporating water gave his burned skin.

"Tony!"

Shocked, Tony jumped and spun himself in the water, looking around frantically for the voice he had just heard. He found nothing behind him but as he slowly circled back, he saw an amazing sight.

"Abbs? Is that really you?" he rasped.

"What a silly question, of course it's me."

He couldn't believe it. She was sitting in a rowboat, dressed all in black with her hair in pigtails and bows on either side of her head. She had a black parasol over her shoulder that matched her dress and she twirled it between her fingers, smiling at him cheerfully.

"Are…..are you here to rescue me?" Tony asked, squinting up at the figure above him, his mind not quite figuring out yet the trick being played upon it.

"No, of course not. I can't do that. Someone else has to do that. I'm just here to say hi."

"Um…hi?" Tony said uncertainly.

"Hi!" she replied cheerfully, giving an extra spin to the parasol.

Tony's sluggish mind finally caught up and he realized that the vision before him could mean only one of two things.

"Am I dead?" he asked quietly.

Abby's smile became wider.

"Nope, you're just delusional."


	4. Chapter 4

_Hi folks!_

_Well in honor of the season finale tonight (which I'm so excited for I can barely see straight) I decided to give y'all two chapters today. _

_Very, very special thanks to Snail once again for beta-ing despite suffering a huge loss in his family this week. I luv ya dude, you seriously rock. _

_-Moki_

Chapter Four

"No one is ever going to find you, Tony."

----

Taking a final look around the office, Gibbs went to the file cabinet. He searched through the files, skipping over the thin ones for the moment. Getting information on a few petty thefts, some real stakes poker games and on board liquor wasn't going to get him anywhere. He needed to find the real cases.

The files were in chronological order and as he flipped backwards he found the biggest one in the drawer. It was also the first. This raised the older man's curiosity. Coming aboard a ship, an Agent Afloat usually found his first few cases to be very routine. Most of the time the previous Agent was transferring due to the end of his or her deployment and left the office in good working order, no cases unfinished and certainly no big ones.

What could Tony have gotten into that would warrant such a large file after barely stepping aboard the carrier?

Pulling out the file, Gibbs sat down at Tony's desk to read the notes. The familiar scrawl giving him a pang as he realized again just how much he missed the man behind the writing.

He read the report himself, not asking any of his team to do it and provide bullet points as he might have usually. He needed the entire story from Tony's own lips (or hand in this case). It was the only way he was going to really get down to who the players were and if any were likely to have do something to his agent.

His agent.

He hadn't thought those two words about DiNozzo in weeks. The man may have been assigned oceans away but to Gibbs, Tony would always be his agent. Just like he himself would always be Franks' "probie". Time and distance. These things meant nothing when talking about a relationship like the two of them had shared for so many years.

Gibbs was sure that the day would come when he'd be visiting DiNozzo, leading a team of his own, and _still_ find a reason to head slap him.

He was also just as sure that Tony would relish the attention.

In fact, even as he sat there Gibbs could almost feel the other man in the room. He expected to look up and find the lanky Italian lounging against the wall, arms crossed, relaxed in that way that only Tony had. The way that could calm everyone else in a room right along with him.

He could almost hear him…

"_You know Boss, it's not nearly as interesting reading about that case as it would be to hear me tell you about it_. "

"Yeah well DiNozzo, since you're not here, your notes will have to do," Gibbs said out loud to the empty room, responding to the phantom Tony in his head.

"_It's a great story though. I was like Tim Roth in Reservoir Dogs. Did you ever see that, boss? Such an awesome flick. People talk about Pulp Fiction as Tarantino's greatest movie but my vote's with Dogs. I mean don't get me wrong, Pulp Fiction is awesome too and it's a tough choice but…."_

"DiNozzo…"

"_Right. Shutting up now, Boss."_

From the notes, Gibbs began to piece together the case...

***FLASHBACK***

Tony walked into the comm center, picking up the headset and sitting down. He didn't smile nor did the face looking back at him.

"Good morning, Director," he said simply.

"Agent DiNozzo you are being transferred." Vance didn't bother with pleasantries.

Tony's whole face lit up before he could help it. Just because Vance still had a look on his face like he'd met the wrong end of a lemon, he hoped that a transfer could only mean one thing. Maybe this would all be over soon. "You're sending me home?"

"No, Agent DiNozzo, you are still going to be an Agent Afloat. We're sending you to the Seahawk," Vance replied, his expression unreadable.

"I've barely been here two months. Don't tell me I've already screwed up so much that they're trying to get rid of me so soon." Tony said it with a smile but didn't try to hide the bitterness in his voice.

"The Seahawk has requested an experienced agent with field experience who is also familiar with undercover work." Tony couldn't tell if Vance was happy about that or not. In fact, if Tony wasn't mistaken, it almost seemed like the Director didn't agree with the assignment. Or maybe he just didn't agree that Tony deserved to be seen as an experienced agent.

"Undercover?" Tony couldn't help but to be intrigued. Even if Vance didn't agree that he should get the job, somebody out there did. He may still be on a ship but undercover work sounded a lot more interesting than anything else he'd done in the last few weeks.

"Yes, Agent DiNozzo. Your first assignment on the Seahawk will be to board her as a Petty Officer. No one but a few key members of the upper ranks will know who you really are."

"What will I be doing there?"

"Looking for a murderer."

***END FLASHBACK***

Gibbs rubbed the back of his neck. Something bothered him about what he was reading. Something was missing from Tony's report. Not details. Not facts about the case.

Just….something.

Still leaning against the wall with his arms and ankles crossed, Phantom Tony spoke up. Even in his head, Gibbs referred to the apparition as a "Phantom", not "Ghost"

"_C'mon Boss, you know what's missing. You just don't want to admit it. And how do you know I'm not a ghost?"_

"Because if you were a ghost DiNozzo, you'd be dead. If you were dead I'd know it. You're not dead."

Phantom Tony seemed to accept that, frowning thoughtfully and nodding his head sideways.

Gibbs tried to ignore the other man. Which was useless.

Of course he knew what was missing.

It was the joy and happiness that Tony usually got out of his cases. Writing up reports was probably the most hated part of the job but even in his reports, Gibbs could always see it. Little nuances, the way he described a scene, all of it telling him what Tony had seen. Even if Gibbs wasn't with him on an interrogation or a pickup of a suspect, he still knew exactly what had happened.

Tony was always clear about his thoughts and what conclusions he had come to about the case. When Gibbs read the reports, he saw the younger man's active mind at work. Tony had an almost uncanny ability to see things that others didn't, physically and mentally.

The younger man had eyes like an eagle but he also had something else. It was hard to put a finger on but Gibbs always thought that Tony's mind saw cases as an entire picture. When new facts came in he added them to the whole. When they added up, he saw it, more times than not before anyone else.

Solving crime had been Tony's dream since he was a little boy. It was a dream his father had done everything in his power to smash and when that didn't work he simply disowned him, not approving of his son's choices.

That dream was something one could see in everything about Tony – from taking pictures and sketching at a crime scene to interrogating a suspect and finally apprehending one.

There was always a certain amount of joy in Tony's work. It was a tangible joy that anyone could feel.

That was the problem. Gibbs was reading Tony's report and saw no joy in his actions. He had been asked to board a ship going way undercover with only a few people knowing why he was there. He should have been thriving on the idea, happy, gloating even.

There was nothing of that joy in Tony's report. Just bare facts.

Phantom Tony was right. Gibbs did know why and no, he didn't want to admit it to himself.

After Jenny's death, Gibbs had suffered through his own personal hell. Blaming himself for what happened, wondering why she hadn't come to him for help, why she had given up her life to save his own. Maybe it was the knowledge that she was going to die anyway but that didn't help Gibbs.

Once again he had had to bury a woman he loved. True he and Jenny hadn't been together in that way for a while but he had always loved her. The love may have changed to adjust to a new relationship, but it was still there, beating away in his heart.

While Gibbs had been suffering with his own demons, he'd never given a thought about how Tony must have felt. DiNozzo had been the Senior Agent in charge of protection detail for the Director of NCIS and she'd been killed on his watch.

Gibbs had tried to tell Tony that it wasn't his fault. Jenny knew what she was getting herself into, she had taken the risks knowing full well where they would lead. In fact, Gibbs wasn't too certain that it was something that she hadn't wanted. Perhaps dying in a firefight was her choice over dying in a hospital room.

Suddenly the room felt too hot. Gibbs got up and took off his jacket, reaching for the door to the small coat closet. When he opened it he saw more than just a few spare jackets. Multiple pieces of clothing were hanging on the short pole and more items were folded on the shelves above.

Finding the extra clothes didn't bother Gibbs that much. He and Tony were both known to keep lots of spare clothing on hand in case of emergencies. One never knew when you were going to ruin a shirt or take an unplanned run through a garbage dump.

It was the pillows and blankets that tumbled out that gave him cause for worry.

-----

After "Abby" left, Tony was alone again in the water. The sun was setting and he did his best to mentally prepare himself for another night in the ocean. Though how one prepared for the prospect of possibly drowning, he couldn't fathom.

From the moment he'd landed in the water, Tony had told himself to hang on, just hang on, for twenty four hours. After that, he was sure he would be found. There were too many factors involved for him not to be missed. He was bound to be needed and someone would go searching. Then they'd figure out when he went missing and…..

"You really think they will figure out that you were thrown off the boat?" A voice asked from behind him.

Exhausted, Tony didn't bother to fling himself around in the water to see who was behind him. If this delusion wanted to chat, it was going to have to get in his line of sight. He heard (or at least he thought he heard) water splashing gently and a figure swam past. Wearing the same bathing suit from the first day he'd met her, Ziva stroked lazily by him.

"It's a ship Ziva, not a boat," He corrected her automatically, momentarily puzzled by the fact that his own delusion of her would still require corrections on her speech.

"Whatever. You think they are going to be looking for you in the water?"

"Why not?"

"What reason would they have to think you went over the side? Any evidence? Did anyone see you thrown overboard by that man?"

Tony didn't answer. She was right. Everything she said were thoughts that had already occurred to him. Which made sense of course since she was simply a figment of his own mind.

"They will not miss you. No one knows you are there even when you _are _there. Your bunkmates will not even report you missing. What chance do you have of being found?"

"Gibbs will find me."

"Gibbs?" Ziva laughed, swimming behind him once again. Coming back around, she changed to a backstroke. "Gibbs will not care. He is not your boss anymore. He has a new team now."

"Doesn't matter," Tony replied but his voice faltered as he lost his conviction in what he was saying.

"Have you even heard from him? Except when he needed your help on a case? Did you not see that he was working with McGee? Why would he need you or want you? He obviously has a new Senior Field Agent."

Tony closed his eyes, shaking his head in an attempt to get rid of the vision and the words that came from his own head but spoke with Ziva's voice.

"No one is ever going to find you, Tony."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

"_Because it's your fault that I'm dead."_

----

After Gibbs put the pillows and blankets back into the closet, he sat down with Tony's report once again. The fact that Tony was obviously sleeping in his office, worried him. Like the clothes, it told Gibbs that Tony was spending a lot of his time alone.

The fact that Tony was unhappy being on board a ship and missing his privacy wouldn't account for it. It just wasn't reason enough for him to bunk down on the less than comfortable floor of his small office. There had to be another reason.

Gibbs knew that it must have something to do with Jenny's death though exactly how the two were related, he wasn't sure. It sickened him though to realize that Tony was still obviously torturing himself after all this time.

No matter what Tony had done, the ending would have been the same. If Jenny didn't want to be found in LA, she wouldn't have been. She had been a damn good agent and losing her protection detail would've been a walk in the park for her.

Plus Tony had known better than anyone what it was like to get caught up in one of her personal wars. He'd been a victim already. Both physically and mentally. Tony had had his heart broken, his head bashed in by a crazed drug dealer and his car destroyed all within twenty four hours on his last run-in with one of Jenny's vendettas. When she'd told him to stay away, of course he had done it. Who wouldn't have?

Gibbs never once blamed Tony for what happened to Jenny and he'd thought that he had pounded that fact into that feisty Italian's thick skull.

Thinking about the sleeping supplies and clothes in the closet as he continued to read the case notes before him, Gibbs could see that he had failed. Miserably.

"Aw hell, DiNozzo," Gibbs said sadly. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"_You know why."_

It was a whisper Gibbs tried to ignore, but found that he couldn't as Phantom Tony left his post against the wall and walked over to the table. He continued to speak and though it was Tony's voice, Gibbs knew that the words were his own.

"_Deep down you know exactly why I haven't told you about the pain I've been in all these months." _

The other man circled around Gibbs, keeping his arms crossed, his eyes never leaving him. It made Gibbs feel a bit sorry for the people Tony interrogated. When Tony got angry, he got dangerous.

Apparently the same could be said for Phantom Tony.

"No," Gibbs whispered in reply. "If I had known I would have…."

"_You would have what? Done something? Called me? Talked to me? Forget it, that's not the Gibbs way and I'm not buying it."_

Phantom Tony stopped circling suddenly, putting both hands on the table next to Gibbs and leaning in with a fierce gaze. The older man could've swore that he even felt hot breath on his neck.

"_The reason I didn't tell you is that no matter what you say, no matter how many lies you tell me AND yourself, you and I BOTH know the truth."_

Gibbs didn't respond, hoping the vision would leave if he didn't.

He was wrong.

"_You blamed me for her death."_

"No," Gibbs whispered.

"_Yes."_

"I wouldn't"

"_You would and you did. Didn't you? C'mon, admit it Gibbs. Admit it to yourself even if you couldn't ever admit it to the flesh and blood me."_

The room was silent, neither man saying a word for a few moments.

"_You blamed me."_

"No," Gibbs shook his head, his hands clenching the papers in front of him.

"_Yes, you did. Didn't you?.....DIDN'T YOU????!!!"_

The voice was screaming in his face. Unable to take it any longer, Gibbs fists slammed into the table and he stood to face the man before him.

"YES!!!" he screamed. To Tony and to himself.

"Boss?"

Gibbs turned around to find both of his junior agents standing in the open doorway. How long they had been there he didn't know, nor did he really care.

"What have you got?" he asked, sitting back down slowly.

McGee hesitated at the threshold but Ziva walked in confidently.

"We have spoken to all of his bunkmates but none of them have seen Tony for at least a week," She informed Gibbs as she crossed the room and leaned against the wall. McGee came in quietly behind her.

"It appears as though Tony hasn't slept there in a while, Boss," McGee said nervously, not sure how their leader would take the news.

"Because he's been sleeping here," Gibbs said.

McGee and Ziva looked at each other with matching expressions of puzzlement but much too used to their boss being at least two steps ahead of them, continued on without comment.

"Apparently," Ziva said.

"Go through his case files and start looking for anyone with a grudge," Gibbs pointed to the file cabinet. "Did the captain tell you where to bunk down?"

"Yeah Boss," McGee replied. "He gave us an officer's quarters. We're all in one room but we're not sharing with anyone else."

"Good, when you've gotten a list together of people to interview, hit the rack. I wanna see you both here at oh six hundred ready to start interrogations." Gibbs sat back down at the table and the two agents took it as a dismissal. They quickly gathered the files and between them were able to carry them all. Since Gibbs was obviously using the only table in the room and just as obviously didn't want to be disturbed, they took the files back to their temporary quarters.

Gibbs continued to read the file in silence. It took a full five minutes before his other "visitor" returned.

"_You happy you got that out of your system, Boss?"_ Phantom Tony asked, back at his usual spot lounging in the corner.

Gibbs didn't reply at first, then sighed. Knowing that he wouldn't be able to concentrate fully on what he was doing until he got things straight in his head he gave up and looked at the other man.

"Never wanted to blame you, DiNozzo."

"_But you did."_

"But I don't now."

Tony accepted that, letting his boss get back to reading.

***FLASHBACK***

Tony walked on board the Seahawk with a bag over his shoulder, filing in with the other men and women serving on her current deployment. He managed to check in with no problem and allowed himself a moment to breathe a sigh of relief. While he trusted the upper echelon to take care of his undercover alias, it unnerved him a little not to speak to the people behind it all in person.

Other than some sealed orders that contained his new ID and credentials, he hadn't had any communication with his superiors and was mostly walking on board blind. He had been nervous about checking in, sure that someone would point him out for not walking the walk and talking the talk of a sailor. Luckily, he had no trouble.

Looking at his assignment, he found his berthing and dropped his bag on his bunk. A few of the men in his barracks knew each other but there were just as many quietly putting their things away. So when he didn't talk to anyone, no one noticed. That was good. Tony had no details on who or what he was supposed to be and while he was confident in his ability to think on the fly, he preferred to have a little more info.

Leaving his bunk, he made his way to his superior officer's quarters per his instructions. Tapping on the door, he heard a gruff reply and went in quickly.

Fifteen minutes later he exited, his mind reeling. His cover was as a replacement to a Hull Tech who'd gotten ill the week before and been sent home. Tony was extremely grateful that they picked something he could do with a passing standard. Hull Techs were in charge of inspecting the hull of the ship, welding and doing other repairs when necessary.

He didn't know what he would have done if they had sent him to the radar room or on to the flight deck to direct planes or work the catapults. He should have realized that no one would be stupid enough to send him on a job he couldn't do but as he was working blind, he couldn't be sure of what was going on behind the scenes.

It was a good thing that the undercover job would be fairly easy as his real assignment was anything but. Locals had been going missing from the Navy friendly town of Cartagena and after some very thorough investigating by local LEO's, they suspected someone on board the Seahawk.

With almost no proof other than a pattern (people who went missing did so right after the carrier had been on leave in the town), Tony didn't have much to go on yet.

For the moment his assignment was to do his job, blend in and see what he could find out. Scuttlebutt on a ship that size was bound to lead him somewhere. Where that was, exactly, he couldn't say.

The next week went by without incident. Tony did his shifts with the other hull techs, grateful that he took some shop in school. Otherwise he never would've passed as one of them. Luckily his cover identity showed that he wasn't much of a sailor, being passed around from job to job. So the other men on his crew accepted him as a newbie, patiently training him while keeping a watchful eye to make sure he didn't screw up too royally.

Tony played dumb but friendly and soon he had made a lot of friends. When a bunch of them invited him along to their favorite bar on the next leave weekend, he hoped it would mean a break in the case.

***END FLASHBACK***

Twisting his head from side to side with a groan, Gibbs glanced at his watch, surprised when it informed him that it was nearly 3am. He'd been reading through DiNozzo's case file for hours but wasn't much closer to figuring out what had happened to the younger man. It frustrated him but for some reason his gut was telling him the answer was there in his hands, he just had to find it.

Taking another swig of coffee, Gibbs went back to reading.

----

Deep into the night, Tony was weary. How he kept moving, he never knew. It was as if his body had a mind of its own and his limbs kept up their rhythmic paddling under no volition of his own.

Without the blazing heat of the sun, the shivers returned again. Though he still felt the pain of the sunburn on the upper portion of his body. So that at once he was both freezing and boiling.

"Way to go, Tony. Only you could figure out how to get yourself thrown off a carrier and then die all alone in the ocean. I mean, who does that anyway?"

Fitfully dozing for a few moments, Tony raised his head weakly. In the pale moonlight he saw someone standing above him. Apparently his delusions weren't going to bother to try and join him in the water anymore.

"Shut up Kate," he croaked, coughing slightly and licking dryly at his swollen lips.

"Not that it surprises me. You always were a screw up, getting yourself in trouble. How many times did Gibbs and I have to cover your ass and rescue you?"

"Rescue me? You never had to rescue me."

"Oh really?" Kate's voice dripped in sarcasm and as his eyes focused Tony could see that she wore the same outfit she had on when she died. In fact he could just make out the bullet hole in the middle of her forehead.

Right after she died, Tony had seen Kate in a cute Catholic schoolgirl outfit and once even imagined her wearing nothing at all. Why did he have to see her now looking like she had on that rooftop?

"Never rescued you? Are you kidding?" Kate continued. "What about when you were chained to that convict who turned out to be a murderer? Or when you managed to get kidnapped by that crazy woman? Gibbs and I, we were always there, backing you up and pulling you out of the fire."

Tony's head drooped once again, his eyes fluttering with the effort to stay awake.

"Too bad you couldn't do the same for me when I needed it," Kate's voice suddenly said in his ear.

"I tried….I couldn't……Ari…he…" Tony began in his defense.

"Oh save it DiNozzo, you were standing right there. You should've protected me. I had just taken a bullet for Gibbs, my protection detail was over. _You_ should have taken over. _You_ should have taken the next bullet. Not me."

Where his body found the moisture he didn't know but tears formed of their own accord. Somewhere his logical mind knew that this was all an illusion. It even knew that the words weren't true, only guilty ramblings that had run through his thoughts right after the other agent had been killed. Awful thoughts that he'd had while washing her blood off his face with shaking hands.

It didn't matter that it wasn't real. In his current state, it was getting harder and harder to define the line between reality and fantasy.

"I'm sorry Kate…I'm really sorry….you're right….it should've been me," he whispered sadly.

"Sorry doesn't help Tony. Sorry won't bring me back."

"I know."

"Because it's your fault that I'm dead."


	6. Chapter 6

_Hey folks, _

_Seems like a lot of you are loving how much I'm torturing Tony and a lot of you are very worried about him and wondering how far I'm going to take this and how long he can survive in the water, etc. So I thought I'd give you a little breakdown of my plans for this story. If any of you don't want to be spoiled, please skip ahead._

_As many of you have noticed, I am basing this on Tony's favorite episode of Magnum (Home From the Sea). I watched Magnum myself as a kid and though I haven't seen it in a while I remember the ep. It seems like Magnum was out there for a day. I also studied dehydration and how long people can go without water – the longest record I found was four days. So I figure Tony can stay out there for about 48 hours. Time will slow down now and the next two chapters will take place in the same day. I'm doing that so that Gibbs (and you guys) can learn about Tony's case and what brought him there. _

_Don't worry, Tony WILL get rescued, I promise. Though exactly when and how you guys will just have to wait and see. _

_Hope that helps!_

_-Moki_

Chapter Six

"_Because it's your fault that I'm dead."_

--------

The sound of many booted feet walking by the door jerked Gibbs awake. He had fallen asleep while reading the case file and mentally berated himself for it. Until he knew where Tony was, Gibbs figured he hadn't earned the right to sleep yet. Who knew what Tony was going through? Was he even able to sleep?

Gibbs really didn't want to think about it. Too many awful possibilities came to mind.

Shaking his head to clear it of the unwanted thoughts, he rose and left the office. Going quickly to the mess, he got another coffee in the biggest cup they had and headed back.

When he returned, Gibbs sat back down at Tony's desk and reached for the file again. Ziva and McGee would be by anytime, he wanted to get them started on interrogations and had some ideas of questions for them to ask.

Pulling out his ever present notepad, Gibbs went to take down some notes when he realized he'd lost his pen at some point. Opening the top drawer, he found no pens and continued searching. When he got to the bottom and largest drawer he heard an odd clinking noise. Pulling the thing out as far as it would go, he reached back behind the hanging folders. Something cold met his fingers and he pulled it out to find an empty liquor bottle.

"Dammit, Tony."

As if the blankets and clothes weren't enough evidence of the torture the other man had been putting himself through, the bottle clinched it. As soon as he found the younger man, Gibbs swore that he was going to figure out what was happening in that head of his. None of it was good, that much was painfully obvious, but Gibbs was going to do his damndest to help.

Knowing that getting to the bottom of the case was the only thing he could right then, Gibbs found the last part he had been reading and continued.

***FLASHBACK***

The city was hot and sticky, the humidity worse than even DC in the summer. Tony and his new buddies were covered in sweat but none of them noticed. Sitting outside the bar, all were laughing uproariously at the latest story being told. It was well into the night. The bar was still hopping with servicemen and women, each trying to get the most out of their time off.

Acting as drunk as the rest, Tony had in fact only consumed just enough alcohol to not look suspicious and still keep his head on straight. He laughed along with everyone else as Carl told the rest of his story.

"I'm telling ya," Carl said, downing the last of his beer and raising his finger to the barman for another before he'd even finished swallowing. "That chick was crazy about me! She said I was her Prince Charming."

"More like Prince Chump," Mick replied, sending everyone at the table into laughter once again.

"You're just jealous," Carl replied, but he laughed with everyone else.

The bar the guys had chosen was one of the locations Tony's intel had told him might be linked to the murders. It had clinched his decision to go along and as he sipped his beer, Tony surreptitiously looked around to see if anyone looked suspicious. Deciding that he couldn't see enough from his current angle, he rose from his chair.

"Gotta hit the head," he announced before marching off unsteadily. Adding a stagger to the drunk act, he wandered off. Pretending to get lost on the way to the restroom and back, he was able to get a good look around the joint.

What he spotted in one corner had his internal antenna going up immediately. Sitting alone at a table, a serviceman was watching the activity across the street. Following the other man's gaze, Tony saw a woman talking to a few sailors. It didn't take a genius to deduce just exactly what kind of work she was in, even without the ridiculously short skirt.

Tony silently observed both the transaction happening across the way, and the reaction of the man sitting alone. As the woman continued to negotiate with the men over her wares, the man in the corner watched, his face growing darker and darker.

Taking a chance on what his gut was telling him, Tony approached casually.

"Disgusting, isn't it?" Tony said, tipping his head towards the action going on across the street and taking another sip of his drink.

"You said it, man," The man replied. Then indicating the seat opposite him, he invited Tony to sit down.

"Sam," the man said, holding out a hand which Tony took in his.

"Tony."

"No matter how many times I see it, I never get over it," Sam said, indicating the group across the street. Apparently a deal had been struck as the woman was now happily leading three seamen away.

"Yeah," Tony replied noncommittally, waiting to see what else Sam had to say. His gut was telling him this could be his guy but he didn't want to jump to any conclusions.

"Women like that, plus the drug dealers and who knows what else, they take good men and women and make them bad," Sam said quietly, still watching the prostitute with her catch for the night.

"Like I said," Tony replied, working hard to gain the man's trust. "Disgusting."

Knowing that his buddies were probably too drunk to even notice his absence, Tony stayed with his new "friend". After a few minutes he was sure he had a damn good suspect but without any proof there was nothing he could do but watch and wait. He offered to buy the next round but Sam put his hand up.

"Nah, I don't want to overdo it. Never drink to excess, right?"

"Right," Tony said emphatically, glad that he hadn't played drunk in front of the guy.

"Think I'll head back," Sam said, rising from his seat. "Nice to meet you, Tony. It's good to see another man who doesn't allow the scum of this city to infect him."

"Same to you Sam," Tony replied, shaking the other man's hand again. Staying in his chair, he watched as Sam walked down the street. Soon he realized that something was wrong.

Sam wasn't heading in the direction of the Seahawk.

***END FLASHBACK***

Gibbs smiled and nodded proudly.

"That's a good job, DiNozzo."

Phantom Tony smiled from his spot against the wall.

_"Thanks, Boss."_

The team leader was proud of his former second. Tony had done everything right so far. Kept his cover, found a target, gained the trust of said target and then stepped back to let that target walk further into it. It was dangerous as all hell to do on your own, but from what he could see, Tony had been nailing it.

He just hoped that the younger man had continued to keep his cool. The file was labeled as a closed case so obviously Tony had gotten his man but who was to say who else may have been involved?

Once again Gibbs felt worried about the whereabouts of his agent. He had been so wrapped up in figuring out what Tony had been up to that up until then he hadn't allowed his mind to wander to the possibilities of what could be happening to the other man right then. Tony hadn't reported to anyone and hadn't been seen in over 24 hours.

Gibbs tried not to think of what that could mean.

"_Boss?"_ Phantom Tony spoke up as if hearing Gibbs' thoughts. Which of course he did.

"Yeah."

"_You need to find me soon, okay?"_

The statement, given so simply, made Gibbs look up and for a brief moment he saw something that made his heart stop. Tony was no longer leaning nonchalantly against the bulkhead. He was standing in the middle of the room and all semblance of relaxation was gone. Sunken eyes looked back at Gibbs. Eyes that he hadn't seen since the morning that Tony had decided to come back to work a week early after having the plague.

Looking up now, Gibbs saw the same man standing in front of him that he had seen that day in the elevator. His clothes hung limply off of him as if he'd lost weight and his eyes were surrounded by black rings in a face much too pale to be normal.

"I'm working on it," Gibbs replied to the man before him, the man speaking from his own mind the worries within it.

"_Soon."_ Tony repeated and for one second Gibbs thought he saw the vision change again. For the barest of moments the other man looked wet, like he'd been dunked in a shower. Before Gibbs could wonder what that meant or even confirm that he had seen it, Tony was gone.

Gibbs put his head down and kept reading.

-----

His second sunrise at sea found Tony barely conscious. "Kate" had stayed longer than either Abby or Ziva and while it had been hard, a part of him knew that arguing with her all night had helped keep him awake.

Now that she was gone, Tony wasn't sure how much longer he could keep going. He couldn't remember a time where he wasn't exhausted or in pain. Pain from the muscles overused after 36 hours of treading water, pain from the now second-degree burns on his upper body, pain in his throat from the dehydration that was draining him by the second.

Then there was the other thing.

The familiar rattle finally showed itself just before dawn. Tony had been wondering how long it would take. He wasn't an idiot. He knew exactly what floating in cold water (though luckily not freezing or he'd already be dead) would eventually do to his lungs. Especially since he'd managed to breathe in the salt water a few times, waves catching him off guard or momentarily falling asleep and allowing his face to go under.

When the coughing started just as the sun rose, Tony wasn't surprised.

As a wave of explosions hit from his chest, Tony shook his head at himself even as he continued to tread water.

"Nice going…. Anthony, Dr. Pitt….. is going….. to kill you," Tony said through another bout of coughing, not even realizing the irony in his statement.

Another wave hit him in the face and he choked momentarily on the water, bringing on more coughs. The familiar rattle he felt wasn't the plague. It was what had come after. After that little bug had made its way into his body and settled down for some fun. It may have died but what it left behind is actually what nearly killed him.

Pneumonia.

That was the rattle he felt. That all-too-familiar vibration that tickled his lungs, which had caused him to cough and cough and cough until every breath was an explosion.

It reminded him of his time under the lights.

He'd hated those damned blue lights but right then Tony would have given anything to be under them again. They had come to mean safety. He doubted they'd really done much to save his life, the virus dying just fine on its own, thank you very much, but he still couldn't help but to associate them with his survival.

"Blue lights? Really DiNozzo? You're thinking about blue lights? Now?" a new voice said with a sad laugh.

"What do you know….. about it, Paula?" Tony replied with a few coughs, not needing to look to know who it was. When he did, he found her looking much like she had the last moment he saw her. He was grateful for that. Seeing Kate how she looked after death had made him frightened for a moment that he'd see a vision of Paula the same way.

Considering the fact that Paula had been killed by an explosion, that wouldn't have been a pretty sight.

"Shouldn't you be thinking of a bunch of beautiful women in bikinis or something Tony?"

"I'm not……. like that anymore, Paula."

"Oh that's right, you fell in love didn't you? Learned about how to act in a real relationship. Learned what it was like to be with a woman more intelligent than a house plant. I nearly forgot." Paula's voice dripped in sarcasm.

"Something……… like that," Tony replied.

"Too bad you couldn't have had that little epiphany of yours earlier. Maybe when we were dating? Maybe things would have turned out differently. Maybe I wouldn't have been assigned that weekend duty. Maybe you and I would have been out together that day and another team would have taken it."

Once again the delusion spoke with words he thought he had buried along with the mortal remains of his former lover. More guilt that he had hoped to forget.

"It's too bad that you couldn't have matured enough to have a real relationship with me."

"I'm sorry, Paula."

"Sorry doesn't help Tony. Sorry won't bring me back."

"I know."

"Because it's your fault that I'm dead."


	7. Chapter 7

_Hello folks, _

_Here' s the next chapter. I probably won't be able to post again until at least the weekend as I'm going to be busy on a project all week. Hope everyone is having a good Memorial Day. _

_-Moki_

Chapter Seven

"_Because it's your fault that I'm dead."_

----

Next to Tony's office was another set of rooms Gibbs and his team were using as an interrogation space. They were two rooms connected by a window, allowing either McGee or Ziva to question one suspect while the other watched unobtrusively. It wasn't a two way mirror nor did they have recording equipment, but considering they were on an aircraft carrier it was a pretty good set up.

Once McGee and Ziva arrived, Gibbs had let them start questioning everyone they had come up with as a possible suspect. After they were done with each person, one or the other would come into Tony's office and debrief Gibbs on what happened. It allowed him to keep up on what was happening while still going over Tony's notes.

He was just as positive as ever that the murder case might be involved but he would never forgive himself if they didn't look under every stone. One of his own rules was never to assume so he let McGee and Ziva handle the questioning on the off chance that he was wrong.

In the more than likely chance that he wasn't, Gibbs kept reading the case notes.

*****FLASHBACK*****

Sticking close to the shadows in the small street, Tony silently followed behind his quarry.

Sam had left the bar and within a few minutes of fast walking they had left the hustle and bustle of the area by the docks. They were getting farther and farther into the heart of the city, the part that only the locals saw. An area for tourists, this was not.

Blessing all of his years in undercover work, Tony was able to follow the other man without being seen. Sam was moving quickly, obviously with a purpose and it took all of Tony's training just to keep up without the other man noticing he was being followed.

Sam stopped on a corner and Tony silently planted himself against the nearest wall, blending in to the darkness. The other man paused to look around for a brief moment as if deciding where to go, then was off again.

A few blocks later and they had apparently arrived at their destination. Sam stopped once again, nonchalantly leaning up against a wall. He seemed to be waiting for something and Tony settled back out of sight, also waiting.

Minutes later Tony heard a door open nearby and laughter. Looking on the street ahead, he saw light coming from an open doorway. A female voice spoke but Tony was too far away to make out the words. A couple different male voices answered, he heard a door close and the light disappeared.

Staying in his hiding place, Tony watched as the three sailors he had seen earlier walked past him. Obviously done with their business with the prostitute, all were happily regaling the evening's excitement. Sparing them only a glance, Tony put his attention back on Sam.

Much as he suspected, Sam wasn't watching the sailors either. He waited until they were well out of sight, then started heading towards the door where they had just exited.

Tony knew he had his man now but still had no proof. Knowing that it was risky but also there was no other way, he continued to cautiously follow the other man.

Sam looked up and down the street to make sure no one was coming before he pulled out what could only be a lock pick. He made quick work of the simple lock on the old door and before Tony knew it, the other man was heading inside.

Trotting up silently, Tony took a quick look around himself before following. When he got inside he found a lobby of sorts with a stairway leading to another floor. Sam was already heading up the stairs and not sure how the other man knew where to go, Tony followed.

A small hallway met them at the top of the stairs. Several doors were there but only one had a light coming from it. Without hesitating, Sam headed straight for it.

Tony took a deep breath, keeping his head down as he waited halfway up the stairs. Reaching down, he pulled out his backup from an ankle holster and held it ready. He hated doing nothing but he had to let Sam at least threaten the woman inside before he could stop him. Doing so beforehand would do him no good at all. Tony needed proof.

Once Sam was inside the room, Tony ran up the last few stairs and put his foot in the doorway before it could close completely. Hoping that the other man would be too busy to notice that the door hadn't closed all the way, Tony peeked into the room through the two inches of space.

What he saw made him grip his weapon tighter, but again he waited.

"Get up you bitch!" Sam yelled, pointing a knife at the woman on the bed. Too frightened to speak, she rose slowly, her eyes open wide as she stared at the weapon.

"Those are good boys. They don't need to be around filth like you. You tempt them. It's your fault. Why can't you just leave them alone?"

Sam slowly approached the now terrified woman, his face a mask of rage and disgust. He raised the weapon.

That was all Tony needed, kicking the door open the rest of the way, he burst into the room. Training his weapon on the other man, Tony called out.

"Federal agent! Don't move, Sam!"

The other man jumped when the door slammed back on it's hinges, pivoting away from the woman on the bed. With a look of shocked recognition, he turned to face Tony.

"You? What are you doing? Don't you want me to stop her? All of them deserved to be stopped, Tony. You know that, right? I'm helping our boys to stay clean. We don't need scum like this around." Sam pointed the knife back towards the woman now cowering on the bed.

"Not your decision to make, Sam. Drop the weapon….NOW!" Tony screamed.

Sam seemed to think about it, looking at the woman on the bed and back to Tony again a few times.

Tony silently hoped the other man wouldn't try anything. Cleaning up a crime scene after he had to shoot a suspect would be so much harder than just dragging the guy back to the ship in cuffs.

"Don't do it, Sam. Just put it down and we'll talk about it," Tony said softly this time and as if he'd been waiting for just those words, Sam dropped the knife.

"I was only trying to help," Sam said as Tony kicked the blade away and got out his cuffs.

*****END FLASHBACK*****

Gibbs leaned back in his chair and reached a hand back to massage the back of his neck. Taking another drink of coffee, he heard a knock on the door.

"Enter."

It was McGee with another report. After a few minutes, Gibbs had all the info he needed and knew (much as McGee did) that the man in the next room had nothing to do with Tony's disappearance.

"Let him go," Gibbs ordered and McGee silently went to do as he was told.

Gibbs finished the last of Tony's report, putting down the file.

"Not bad, DiNozzo, not bad at all," Gibbs said.

"_Thanks Boss,"_ Phantom Tony replied_. "You gonna come find me now?"_

The other man looked normal as he leaned against the filing cabinet but Gibbs still heard the sense of urgency in his voice. It was the urgency that Gibbs himself felt.

"Working on it."

The rest of Tony's report showed that he had taken Sam back to the Seahawk and processed him. After getting the man in custody, Tony was able to "come out" to the rest of the crew on board as their new Agent Afloat. His continuing investigation came up with evidence so damning that even without the statement from a NCIS investigator, Sam would still have been in the brig.

In other words, it was a cut and dry case. There had never been evidence to show that the man had ever worked anything but alone. Maintaining that he had done everything to help the servicemen and women on board, Sam confessed to all of the murders. He had been taken off the ship and all had been well for the past couple months.

It didn't add up.

Gibbs had been so sure that case had to do with why his agent was missing but now that he'd read all the notes, he could find no holes in it. It left Gibbs asking himself if there was a connection, why had nothing happened until recently? Tony had been on board for months after that case without incident.

Why now?

_"C'mon Boss,"_ Phantom Tony said, tipping his head sideways at Gibbs and raising his eyebrows questioningly. _"You telling me you really can't see it?"_

Gibbs rubbed at his forehead, ignoring the other man once again.

"_Why now?" _Tony repeated Gibbs' question.

"That's what I'm trying to figure out, DiNozzo," Gibbs said with a sigh. Why indeed?....

Suddenly Gibbs looked up and crossed the room, opening the door to yell for McGee in the next room.

"_You've got it, don't you Boss?"_ Tony asked with a smile.

McGee ran in. "Yeah Boss?"

"I want you to run a search for anyone who just transferred to the Seahawk in the past couple weeks. Cross check them with a serviceman named Samuel Wesson."

"You got it," McGee replied and ran off.

"_Not bad, Gibbs, not bad at all,"_ Tony said, repeating the praise Gibbs had given him earlier.

-----

Tony didn't think he could swim for one more minute.

He was nearing 45 hours at sea and it had drained him of every reserve in his well trained body. The exhaustion from swimming nonstop mixed with the nearly constant coughing had taken a horrible toll.

For a while he even tried making deals with himself. Just five more minutes became just three more minutes which then became two more minutes.

He counted out 120 seconds and told himself that then he could stop. He had done everything in his power to survive but no one was going to find him now. Continuing to swim was simply delaying the inevitable and prolonging his pain. Stopping would put him out of his misery. It would be a kindness really. Like putting down an old dog.

"I don't believe I gave you permission to quit, Tango Eight," A voice said fiercely and Tony looked up to find Jenny standing above him.

"I…can't," Tony begged. "Just let me die."

"Not gonna happen, DiNozzo. You keep swimming. That is an order!"

"Why?" Tony asked plaintively. "No one's….going….to find me…..might as well…..get it over with."

"Because you're not getting off that easily. If you had done your JOB like you were supposed to, you wouldn't even be in this mess. You would be home with your friends where you belong."

"I…..screwed up."

"You're damn right you screwed up. Look what happened because of it? I think a slow, agonizing death is exactly what you deserve, Special Agent DiNozzo. So you keep on swimming until I say so."

"Yes ma'am," Tony replied weakly.

Once again some part of him knew the words couldn't really be true. Jenny would never say such horrible things. Reality wasn't really a big part of his world anymore though. He didn't even realize that the cruelty was coming from himself. Not only that, it was keeping him alive.

He would follow Jenny's orders to keep swimming more than he would his own.

"I'm sorry, Jenny."

"Sorry doesn't fix it Tony."

"I know," he agreed sadly.

"Because it's your fault that I'm dead."


	8. Chapter 8

_Hi folks!_

_Sorry for the slightly longer delay but as a reward for your patience here are two new chapters. There are maybe one or two chapters left to go after this, possibly more. While I have some of the rest already written I'm curious what you guys would like to see next. So feel free to let me know if you'd like to see more angst, more recovery time or anything else in the next couple chapters. _

_Enjoy!_

_-Moki_

Chapter Eight

"_Hello Anthony."_

-----

McGee ran the search that Gibbs requested and came back with one name. Ziva brought the man in and set him down in their makeshift interrogation room and then left him alone.

Bob Mills didn't look the least bit guilty when Gibbs walked in the room and sat down across from him. In fact he looked downright happy.

"It's about time," Bob said, leaning back in his chair and studying the NCIS agent who sat opposite him.

Gibbs didn't reply, just continued to stare.

"_Aw Boss, I wish I could have a chance at this guy. I bet I could break him,"_ Phantom Tony said from somewhere over Gibbs' shoulder. _"Not that you can't Boss. I mean you're the best and….uh…..okay, shutting up now."_

As Gibbs continued to do nothing but stare, Mills kept on talking.

"I was wondering how long it would take you people to catch up to me. I've been waiting since I heard you came onboard, and frankly I have to say that I'm disappointed. It took you a day to see the connection between me and Sam?"

Gibbs blinked once but other than that, there was no outward sign that he'd even heard the other man.

"You think you guys are all mighty? Catching the bad guys and putting them away? Well you're wrong. The man you put away was a good man. He helped me see the error of my ways. I used to go see the whores, buy the drugs and do all those things a marine shouldn't. Sam was my savior."

Gibbs leaned forward, speaking for the first time. "How? By killing people?"

"They were bad people. They didn't deserve to live."

"What about you, Mills? You were unfaithful to your wife. You bought the drugs. Seems to me that makes you pretty bad too. By your rules I have the right to kill you now."

Mills' eyes opened wide at the intensity of the other man's words but he laughed, albeit nervously.

"You can't do that and you know it. There are laws protecting me. Besides, I'm the only one who knows what happened to your agent."

In the room next door, Ziva and McGee looked at each other worriedly.

----

Abby had been staring at her screen for hours. She was sitting on one of her tall stools, a couple of empty Caf-Pow! cups spread out on her desk and another one currently held to her lips. She didn't remember the last time she had slept but she really didn't care. For Tony she would stay up for a week if she had to.

Despite the massive amounts of caffeine in her system she was still having trouble concentrating and when the image flashed across her screen she almost missed it. Gibbs had her looking at security camera footage from the Seahawk. Over 24 hours of staring at grainy footage was making her eyes burn.

Sitting up suddenly with a gasp, she replayed the tape she was currently watching. She had been through most of the security cameras on board and was now checking the various flight ops cameras. The one she'd pulled up looked off the back of the ship, capturing views of the aircraft as they came in for landings. It was mostly used in case of a fatal error that caused a crash.

She didn't know what she expected to find but having been through as many camera angles as she could think of, it was one of the last ones left and she decided to give it a shot. Giving up before checking it felt like giving up on Tony and she just wouldn't do that.

Abby pressed a few keys on her keyboard and the image on the screen froze. She rewound and went backwards until she spotted the same thing that had made her sit up before. As she paused the screen on the image, the blood drained from her already pale features.

"Oh Tony, no....." she whispered, stifling a sob and quickly reaching for her phone.

----

Gibbs had been interrogating the man for more than an hour but other than getting the dirtbag to admit that he had in fact done _something _to DiNozzo, he was no closer to finding his agent.

"You're going to tell me where he is or…." Gibbs was saying.

"Or what? My career is over?" Mills laughed derisively. "I don't care about that. I'm doing this for Sam, for what he did for me. So do whatever you want, I don't care. You're _never_ going to find him."

"Your career?" Gibbs voice was quiet and the tone made the other man's head snap up. Looking into the agent's eyes he felt fear for the first time since he sat down in the small room.

"No, it's not your career you should be worried about right now." Gibbs said icily.

"You can't touch me," the tremble in Sam's voice belied his brave words.

"_That's it, Boss. You've almost got him. I think this one may actually wet himself if you lean on him a little longer,"_ Phantom Tony said from the corner. He had taken up residence against the far wall, still commenting on the proceedings from time to time.

Gibbs almost smiled in response but caught himself just in time. Phantom Tony was right though. Mills was breaking. The question was, would it be soon enough to help DiNozzo?

A tap on the door made Gibbs look up. All of his people knew better than to bother him in an interrogation. Either he was about to throttle one of his own people or...

Somebody had something.

Gibbs opened the door to find McGee holding up a phone nervously.

"It's Abby," McGee didn't bother to add anything else as Gibbs took the phone and closed the door on him silently.

"Yeah, Gibbs," he answered and stood perfectly still as he listened to the voice on the other end.

When he clicked the phone closed and walked around to the crewman, the fury behind his eyes was barely being contained. McGee and Ziva looked at each other nervously on the other side of the glass.

"Did Abby tell you...?" Ziva began.

"No, she only said she needed to talk to Gibbs..._now_". McGee whispered.

Still clueless, both turned back to watch the drama in the other room.

Gibbs walked right up to Mills, his hands actually shaking, looking as if they wanted nothing more than to be laid around the exposed throat before them.

"You son of a bitch."

The statement was almost too quiet. It didn't match the body language at all. The man in the chair found himself actually wondering if the agent really was going to kill him after all.

"YOU THREW HIM OVERBOARD!?!?!"

Gibbs' fury unleashed itself so fast that Mills didn't have a chance to react. The table in front of him was thrown against the wall and his body would have no doubt followed right behind if not for the two agents who were in the room an instant later.

Both going to their boss, Ziva and McGee stopped Gibbs from cracking the other man's skull against the floor. Though even as they did it, Mills could see by the looks in both of their eyes that they too would love to do the same thing.

Gibbs shook off the arms around him.

"Lock him up then meet me on the deck. I have to give the captain the coordinates of where this piece of trash threw the Agent Afloat off the ship."

Ziva and McGee had hoped that they had heard wrong when Gibbs had screamed those words before. It was the last thing in the world they had expected. Men didn't get thrown over board anymore. Surely that was something only done in old movies?

"When?" McGee's shaky question was barely above a whisper.

"Two days," Gibbs said, leaving the room without another word.

Ziva and McGee looked at each other, the message unspoken but no less communicated between them.

Could Tony have survived that long at sea with no food, no water and exposed to the cold ocean?

Most people died within three days with no water, but they weren't usually in the open ocean that entire time. How could Tony have survived?

------

As soon as Gibbs had made the arrangements for rescue he had one more call to make before he boarded a search helicopter. With a few short sentences he told Ducky exactly what had happened.

"Ducky I need you here."

"Yes of course Jethro, I'll be there as soon as I can."

Neither one of them said that they were tempting fate - arranging for the doc to be there before they'd actually found Tony. That little detail didn't matter to Gibbs. The fact that they hadn't found Tony yet didn't mean he wasn't going to be prepared for when they did.

He felt better knowing that Ducky was on his way. With Ducky's intimate knowledge of Tony's unique condition, plus the docs on board, Gibbs was sure his agent would be in the best possible hands.

Some people might find it odd to have an ME as their personal doc but he and Tony wouldn't have it any other way. They both trusted Ducky with their lives and went to him with anything. Even after trips to emergency rooms, they both sought out the ME afterwards, just to get his familiar reassurance that other docs had done their job.

The docs on board were no doubt the best around but it made Gibbs feel better to know that Ducky would also be there to deal with Tony once they got him out of the water (for Gibbs would not allow himself to think that they wouldn't). The ex-Marine was counting on Tony's natural strength (and stubbornness) to keep him alive till they found him. They needed every advantage they could get, Tony still had a major strike against him.

Those damn lungs.

-----

After Gibbs had given the Captain what information he could from Mills, the Seahawk had been turned towards the coordinates she had been at two days before. They were lucky that she hadn't been going nonstop for the past 48 hours, but had stopped to anchor for a short while to run some tests. It meant they weren't as far away as they could have been.

She was still too far to get there in time, of that Gibbs was certain. So a rescue team was being assembled. Three choppers were being sent out to the general area, one would have him aboard while Ziva and McGee would be on the other two respectively. They may know exactly where the Seahawk was when Tony went overboard, but there was no way he was still there. There was no telling how far the currents could have carried him in two days.

They had about two hours before sunset and Gibbs was running to his assigned chopper, having already put McGee and Ziva on theirs.

"Special Agent Gibbs?"

Gibbs turned midstride to find a group of men staring at him. The entire Air Wing of the Seahawk was there, it seemed. All of them were staring at him anxiously.

"What is it?"

"What can we do to help? Agent DiNozzo....he...well he's probably the best Agent Afloat we've ever had," The spokesperson looked to his fellows and getting encouraging nods, continued. "We want to do whatever we can to help find him."

_"Wow, and here I thought they hated me all this time,_" Phantom Tony's voice said from somewhere behind Gibbs.

"Talk to your CO, we could always use more eyes. If he lets you go, I'd be proud to have you on my search team."

At that the men took off running. Within a few minutes of Gibbs' chopper leaving the pad, clearance was given and soon the deck was swarming with activity. Hornets, Hawkeyes, Grummans and other aircraft launched one after the other, the roar of engines deafening as everything with wings was put into the air to look for the Agent Afloat.

----

Somewhere far away, down below all the activity, alone in the quiet ocean, the object of the fervent search was unaware of any of it.

"Anthony," a voice said gently and Tony somehow found the strength to open his eyes for a moment.

"Mom?"

She smiled kindly.

"Hello Anthony."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

"_Time to go home." _

-----

Keeping in close contact with his two agents, Gibbs continued to scan the water below in his own helo. They had been flying for a couple of hours and the sun would be setting soon, making Gibbs nervous. He wasn't going to give up the search at night but the chopper would need to return to the carrier soon to refuel. Even with all the aircraft out looking for Tony, Gibbs didn't want to turn back. His gut was telling him that they needed to find the other man. Soon.

Signing off with McGee, Gibbs went back to watching the water. Some may have wondered why. After all, Gibbs' eyesight was terrible. Everyone knew it. Even he knew it.

So when he was the first to spot the small dot on the horizon, Gibbs was probably more surprised than anyone else on the flight crew.

"There!" Gibbs hollered over his radio, pointing towards the discoloration in the water and somehow knowing without a shadow of a doubt that it was Tony.

They flew in closer and even from that height Gibbs could see that Tony wasn't going to last much longer. Perhaps it was because though the chopper blades churned the water around him, sending the salty spray everywhere, the man below barely acknowledged their existence. No waving or screaming for help. Just a continuation of the struggle to remain above water that had been going on for days.

The winch was brought out and the rescue team got set up. As they angled the arm out over the water, Gibbs kept a close eye on his man. He wanted more than anything to get down there and help but the crew was better equipped for it. They would have the weakened agent up in no time, of that he had no doubt.

That is until they all heard the grinding of metal.

"What happened?" Gibbs asked worriedly.

"Crane busted," one of the crew replied. Gibbs watched helplessly as they fought with it, but the machine just would not work.

"Sir, I'm sorry but we're going to have to head back," the crewman said sadly. "We were on the end of our sweep when we spotted him and we're running out of fuel. I've already kept us up for an extra five minutes. I can't do any more."

Seeing Gibbs' face, the crewman grabbed his shoulder reassuringly. "We've already called in another unit. They'll be here in thirty minutes."

Gibbs looked down at the figure below him and knew one thing for certain.

Tony didn't have 30 minutes.

With that Gibbs made a decision. Before anyone could stop him, he grabbed an extra life vest. Then making sure his own vest was secured, he dove.

As the agent flew out of the open door, the man closest to the door went to grab him but missed. "Damn that man!"

The pilot looked over his shoulder at the commotion. "What?"

"He jumped, sir!"

"Dammit! Forget it, I'm flying on fumes, we're going to have to leave them both and let the next chopper get them."

Gibbs hit the water harder than he thought and was thankful for the life vest he wore, knowing that it had taken some of the impact from his body. Once he surfaced, he kicked hard and launched himself as far he could out of the water to see over the waves. On his second try he spotted a dark figure bobbing in the waves.

----

Tony's mind had long ago given up the fight. The delusions had kept him alive for a while, making him struggle long after another man might have given up. The visions had only taken him so far.

His body was done.

Tony wasn't aware of much at the moment. Fantasy, reality, visions, a helicopter, his boss swimming towards him – he had no idea what was real anymore. All he knew was that he was tired and he couldn't swim one more second.

So he stopped.

Tony's body stopped moving, giving up the fight it had begun 48 hours before, and he slowly slid down into the water. Just as his head went under a strong hand reached out and snatched him back to the surface.

"Not so fast, DiNozzo."

Gibbs pulled the nearly unconscious man towards him. Wrapping his arms around the motionless body, he struggled to put the life vest on him while keeping them both afloat.

Just as Gibbs got the vest strapped into place, Tony's eyes opened slightly. They didn't focus on the man in front of him. Gibbs wasn't sure if Tony realized he was there as he began mumbling incoherently.

"I'm sorry Daddy," Tony's voice was dry and cracked and Gibbs cringed to hear it. "I know you were mad at me. I didn't mean to make her die. I'm sorry. Please bring Mommy back. I didn't mean it…..I'll be a good boy this time."

Gibbs heart broke as he heard just how much his agent was punishing himself. Punishing himself for every woman he thought he'd let die, including his mother.

Suddenly the pieces of the puzzle fit. Everything that Gibbs had found out about his former Senior Field Agent clicked into place. He'd seen the evidence of a man who was lonely and homesick. What he'd missed was the fact that the evidence also pointed to a man who was torturing himself over something he thought he did wrong.

Gibbs had known that DiNozzo wanted to come home. He never thought that the other man was still suffering not only from what happened to Jenny, but also to the other women he'd been unable to save in his life.

Visions of Tony thrashing with innumerable nightmares flashed into Gibbs' mind. The pillows, blankets and clothes made sense now too. Tony hadn't been trying to avoid sleeping in his berth to get privacy, he'd been avoiding being seen suffering from the night terrors.

The empty liquor bottles in the desk drawer made sense now too.

Maybe a man could recover from one or two losses, but three? Then four? Four separate women that Tony had watched die in front of him. Four women he'd been powerless to protect. A man who had dedicated his life to helping others would feel tortured by those that he didn't. Since his mother had been the first it was like every woman after became another brick in the wall. A wall that was tumbling down around him.

Shaking his head sadly, Gibbs pulled the younger man to him tightly, helping to keep his head above water.

The team leader knew that he had to help. He had to let DiNozzo know that he couldn't have done anything to stop the tragedies he'd witnessed. They were just horrible accidents, none of which he could have stopped.

The trouble was getting Tony to see that. He couldn't give the other man a long reassuring speech and not just because they were floating in the ocean. Even if they were on dry land and back in the bullpen, it wouldn't work. Tony wouldn't listen to him.

Long speeches, hugs, long talks - none of these things were how he and Tony got to the bottom of things. Head slaps, curt words, a quick handshake or pat on the back – those were the kinds of gestures that defined their relationship.

Some of Gibbs' techniques for dealing with his junior agents he had learned from the man who taught him the job. Once he had his own team, Gibbs never expected to find someone who would not only responded well to those techniques but thrived under the pressure.

Gibbs always wondered if it was because of Tony's relationship with his father. The kid had been summarily ignored (if not worse) by the man most of his life. He'd never had a male role model that hugged him and told him everything was okay. As much as Tony thought he wanted such attention, Gibbs was sure if the younger man ever got it, he wouldn't know what to do with it.

It was one of the reasons that Gibbs didn't back down on Tony often. He might lay off McGee and Ziva or any of the other agents that he worked with, but not Tony. Gibbs did it not only because he knew the younger man could take it, but also because Tony seemed to relish it.

So as Gibbs watched the sick and wasted man before him struggle with his inner demons even as his body struggled to stay alive, he wondered how he was going to fix it. How could he reassure Tony in a way that the other man would understand?

"Dammit, DiNozzo," Gibbs said, holding the other man's head in his hands and trying to get him to open his eyes.

"Listen to me, Tony," Gibbs said fiercely, fighting the urge to smack the other man on the back of the head. Instead he spoke very slowly and very clearly. "None…. of this….. is your fault."

"Come back, Daddy. Bring Mommy back too. I said I'd be good this time. I promise. Please….come back." Tony sobbed to a man who wasn't there, who hadn't been there for him in a long time.

"Tony," Gibbs said softly. "Look at me. I'm here. You didn't kill her. You didn't kill any of them."

Somewhere in all the confusion, Tony heard his boss' voice and instinctively he responded. Those few words, the straightforward delivery, was exactly what he needed. Suddenly his eyes opened and Gibbs saw clarity in the green eyes, something he hadn't seen there since he'd landed in the water.

"Boss?"

"Yeah Tony, I'm here."

"Me too, Boss. I'm here," Tony replied in surprise, looking around him as if he just realized where he was. All the demons were gone. A few short words from his boss being all he needed to vanquish them for a while. Maybe they would be back, maybe they wouldn't, but for now he was alone in his head.

"Boss....you look....funny....in that....life vest." Tony said with a smile, coughing a little as he spoke.

Gibbs spared a brief smile as he wrapped his arms around his shivering agent.

"Yeah DiNozzo? Well you look pretty funny with blue lips."

Tony smiled, fully aware that his boss was keeping the tone light on purpose. He was no longer delusional but Tony was still in trouble. Underneath the motion of the waves Gibbs could feel the other man's body quaking.

"Hey DiNozzo, you cold?"

"No….not….cold….why?" Tony asked through chattering teeth.

Any other time such a flippant response would have probably warranted a good head smack but looking closely at the younger man, Gibbs took him at his word. Tony was only barely conscious. He'd been in the water so long that he was beyond feeling the cold. In fact, Gibbs was certain that soon the other man would stop shivering all together. That's when they'd be in real trouble.

Tony's body convulsed as he coughed heavily and Gibbs struggled to keep both their heads above water. When it was done the exhausted man leaned into his boss more than ever before and even in the nearing darkness Gibbs saw the telltale red stain forming on Tony's lips.

Cursing under his breath, Gibbs grabbed the other man harder.

"Hey, don't fall asleep on me, DiNozzo. You need to keep swimming, I can't do all this work by myself."

It was a lie of course. Gibbs probably could have held onto Tony forever. He didn't really need the help, what he did need was to keep the agent awake. Gibbs would say whatever he had to make that happen.

The minutes continued to tick by and Gibbs watched as Tony's eyes blinked rapidly, the other man fighting to stay awake. Tony's head lolled and nearly went under the water before Gibbs grabbed the other man tighter. Putting a hand under Tony's chin, he pulled his mouth out of the water.

"Hey! DiNozzo! What did I just say?"

Opening heavy lids, Tony was jarred awake by his boss' voice. "Right. Staying awake. On it Boss."

Scanning the horizon, Gibbs watched for the returning chopper. Thirty minutes had come and gone, the sun quickly following. As he neared one hour in the water, Gibbs' legs grew tired but he ignored them. Every time he felt fatigued he reminded himself that Tony had been in the water for two days.

Just when Gibbs was worried that the rescue team had lost their coordinates or all the choppers had been grounded on the Seahawk, he heard a noise. Turning his head, Gibbs saw a chopper on the horizon, it's metal fuselage glistening in the nearly setting sun. He signed in relief as he spoke to the man held tight in his arms.

"Time to go home."


	10. Chapter 10

_Hey folks! _

_Thanks for all the reviews, you guys are awesome! Thanks also for the suggestions of where you'd like to see the story go next. I have noted them all down and hopefully I'll be able to make everyone happy. _

_  
Here's the latest chapter. :o)_

_-Moki_

---------------------------------

Chapter Ten

"_I think you're the only one who can help him now."_

----------

Gibbs closed his eyes and ducked his head to the side as the basket carrying his agent was slowly drawn up into the chopper. The blades of the aircraft churned the water around him but he barely noticed, his attention planted firmly on the figure being lofted above.

Within a few minutes the basket returned and he climbed in himself, helped by the crewman who had joined them in the water. When he got into the chopper, he was met by the anxious face of McGee.

"Boss? You okay?" The other man asked as he held out a blanket and put it over Gibbs' shoulders.

"What took you guys so long?" Gibbs growled as he slid down the bench to be as close to Tony's head as possible. The other man's eyes were closed but he wanted to be there in case he woke anytime soon.

"We were far to the north when the call came in and Ziva's chopper was on the Seahawk getting refueled. We came as fast as we could." McGee looked worried and Gibbs decided to let him off the hook. It wasn't the agent's fault after all and he had already seen the effects of one man needlessly blaming himself for errors not his own. Gibbs would be damned if he'd let it happen again.

"We're fine McGee," he reassured the younger man, watching as McGee visibly relaxed.

As Gibbs turned his attention to his other agent, he wondered if he hadn't spoken too soon. Now that they were in the lighted fuselage of the chopper, he was able to get a good look at DiNozzo and what he saw didn't make him happy.

Tony's face, neck, shoulders and arms were blistered and burned from his days in the unrelenting sun. His lips were swollen and cracked, small bits of blood here and there from where the skin had broken.

The corpsmen on board were working quickly, cutting off Tony's wet clothes before wrapping his shivering body in warm blankets. One of them put a stethoscope to his chest and immediately ordered oxygen. As the mask was placed over his face, Tony's eyes flew open and Gibbs saw a look of panic in the green eyes as he felt the unfamiliar hands.

Leaning over so that Tony could see him, Gibbs touched Tony on the shoulder lightly. "Hey, it's alright. Let these boys do their job, okay?"

Blinking up at his boss, Tony nodded and stopped fighting the mask. He closed his eyes again and was asleep in seconds. The corpsmen continued to monitor the injured man as they made their way back to the carrier.

When they landed, Gibbs and McGee sat back and let the corpsmen pull the stretcher off before getting out of their seats. Gibbs was surprised to feel his legs give way a little and felt a steady hand grab his arm before he staggered. Giving a brief nod of thanks to McGee, Gibbs allowed himself to be helped off the helo.

Gibbs refused a stretcher though, preferring to walk his way to the infirmary. When he got there he saw a flurry of activity around a bed he knew must contain DiNozzo, though the amount of people hid the occupant from his view. Ducky was obviously in charge, ordering around men who were used to giving orders themselves.

Knowing that Tony was in the best of hands, Gibbs let the corpsman lead him to another bed. There he sat as the man took his vitals. Once reassured that the team leader was not much worse for wear, Gibbs was then allowed to change into the clothes McGee brought for him. He also accepted the cup of coffee the younger man brought with a grateful nod.

The coffee working internally and the warm and dry clothes working externally, Gibbs waited until things had quieted down near Tony's bed before seeking out Ducky.

As if sensing that his old friend had waited long enough, Ducky turned and came towards Gibbs in the same instant.

"How is he, Duck?" Gibbs asked. The man lying on the bed looked nothing like the DiNozzo he'd come to know. The vibrant young man who had been his second for so many years was nowhere to be seen. In his stead was a frail shivering figure connected to machines and surrounded by busily working corpsmen.

As Gibbs watched, they wheeled Tony into a second room. As he followed, Gibbs felt the all-too familiar rush of air that meant negative pressure. He couldn't help but to think of the last time Tony was in a room like it.

"What's this Duck? Is Tony contagious?" Gibbs didn't think it was possible for his second to get the plague again but DiNozzo was well known for doing the impossible.

Seeing the worried look on his friend's face, Ducky quickly held up his hands reassuringly.

"Not to worry Jethro. Tony only has pneumonia. This is for his protection, not ours."

"Only pneumonia? That doesn't sound good, Duck."

"Yes well under normal circumstances it probably wouldn't be but when talking about Anthony, that's actually a step up for him," Ducky said, pointing upwards with a jaunty wink. "I was afraid we'd see signs of cyanosis, as we did of course when he had the plague. But as you can see, there is no tinge of blue to his outer extremities and his oxygen levels are normal for a man in his condition. He may not be out of the woods, but for the moment he's not critical."

"Can I..?" Gibbs hesitated, not sure if he should go near the other man if Ducky was taking such precautions to keep him in a clean room.

"Yes, yes of course. He needs you Jethro. Go," Ducky waved his hands, shooing the other man nearer to the bed.

The constant activity that had been present since their arrival slowly died down and soon Gibbs was alone in the small isolation area. The only sounds those of the machines hooked up to Tony. He sat down on the chair nearby, smiling as he realized that Ducky must have ordered it put there. The room was miniscule and he doubted that chairs were standard issue, it not being like a normal hospital. Grateful that Ducky thought of it, Gibbs settled down.

He studied the face of the man before him and what he saw worried him. Tony was simply sleeping, not unconscious or comatose. He should be relaxed but Gibbs saw tension on the reddened features.

If Gibbs had been able to see his own face during his last coma, he might have seen a similarity there. Tony looked as if he were having a nightmare, though his body was too exhausted to move a muscle. Just his face bore the evidence of the trauma going on inside.

Gibbs almost went to wake up the younger man but thought better of it. Even if it weren't the best sleep, Tony's body still needed to recover and bad sleep was better than none. So Gibbs left him as he was, settling back in the chair and closing his eyes as his own weariness took over.

----------

"Gibbs?" A soft voice pulled Gibbs from sleep and he opened his eyes to find a dark pair looking into them. Once she knew he was awake, Ziva took her hand off his arm and looked briefly into the bed.

"Ducky said you might want this," Ziva said, handing him a cup that Gibbs knew would contain coffee. He took it and sipped slowly.

"What time is it?" Gibbs asked.

"Oh Five Hundred. McGee and I have finished writing our preliminary reports and have given a briefing to the Director. He would like to speak to you soon."

Gibbs continued to sip his coffee. Until he was sure DiNozzo was okay, he wasn't going anywhere. The Director could wait.

"How is he?" Ziva asked quietly, her eyes softening as she looked back to the bed. Gibbs watched as her hand reached out as if to touch Tony, then seeming to think better of it, she pulled her hand back.

"Ducky says he is stable for now. Mostly he needs rest."

"Did you find out why he was sleeping in his office?" The question, so direct, was so like Ziva and Gibbs smiled to hear it.

"Yes," he replied, taking another sip of coffee, not sure if he wanted to elaborate or not.

"McGee and I….we had to look for forms in his desk. We found…..a bottle." Ziva hesitated. "It was about the Director…Jenny, was it not?"

Gibbs didn't answer but Ziva knew she was right. Looking away from Gibbs and back at the bed, her voice became a whisper. "Why did he not tell us?"

Again Gibbs chose not to answer. He figured that Tony had his own reasons for not telling each of them. While he could guess why Tony hadn't told him, he figured those two might have to have a conversation of their own someday. The same would be true of McGee, for Gibbs was sure that each of them would want to know why Tony had chosen to suffer on his own for so long.

Shaking her head, Ziva turned back to her team leader. "You will tell him, yes? You will tell him that Jenny was not his fault?"

Gibbs nodded, not really surprised that she had figured it out so fast, even if he himself had taken a little longer to add it all up.

"We have been ordered to D.C., McGee and I, by the Director. We are to escort the prisoner back this afternoon." Ziva announced suddenly, waiting for Gibbs' reply.

Before he could answer, McGee appeared outside the glass, his eyes going from both of their faces to land on the bed. Knowing that Ducky wouldn't want too many people in the room at once, Ziva took the opportunity to leave.

McGee entered nervously, seeming unsure where to look and avoiding the bed like it contained the plague itself. Gibbs knew that seeing Tony in that condition was making the younger man nervous. McGee was used to Tony being the tough guy, the guy who had everyone's back and made jokes while making sure they were all okay. The younger man would never admit it but seeing Tony like that was scaring him half to death.

"Hey Boss," McGee said, his eyes flicking around the room. The table. The door. The ceiling. Tony's foot. Gibbs' chest. Back to the table again. It was like they were moving of their own accord. "Did um…..did Ziva tell you that we're…um."

"That you're going back today, yes she did. That means you're in charge of the team for now Special Agent McGee," Gibbs replied.

"Me? Oh right. I guess I would be the next Senior Field Agent in line after……" McGee paused again, his eyes finally landing somewhere in the vicinity of Tony's face. Though if Gibbs had to swear to it, he'd guess they probably landed closer to his hair than his eyes.

"That's right, so I expect the reports to be filed and all cases handled correctly while I'm gone. We clear?"

"Crystal, Gibbs," McGee replied, grateful to be dismissed. He turned to leave the room but before he reached the door, he stopped and turned back to his boss. Still not looking directly at the bed, he spoke.

"Boss?"

"Yeah."

"Tell Tony we miss him and……..none of it was his fault."

With that McGee turned back around and was out the door before Gibbs could reply. Raising his eyebrows in surprise, Gibbs leaned closer to the sleeping man beside him.

"Bet you didn't expect that, did ya DiNozzo?" he said quietly.

------

Gibbs kept up his vigil all day and it wasn't until Ducky threatened him with bodily harm if he didn't eat, that Gibbs allowed himself to be relieved briefly by the ME so he could grab some food.

When he returned, Ducky motioned him to stay in the main part of the infirmary as he went outside to join him.

"Jethro, I'm getting worried."

"Why Duck? I thought you said he just needed some rest," Gibbs could help the slight sound of panic that entered his voice.

"Yes, yes I did but it's been nearly 24 hours and he has yet to wake up and his vitals aren't improving at all."

"Is he in a coma?"

"No, that's just it Jethro, he's not. He's simply asleep but it's almost like he doesn't want to wake up."

"Is he faking?" Gibbs was shocked.

"No, no, not at all. He is genuinely asleep but he's acting like someone who's sleepwalking, he just won't wake up."

"What do you think it means, Duck?"

"Well Jethro, I think it means the same thing it did when you didn't wake up from your coma," Ducky said, surprising Gibbs.

"Tony is trying to avoid something and I think you know what it is. Dammit, I think we all know what it is," Ducky said in frustration, looking back at the bed.

"What can we do, Duck?" Gibbs asked, cutting to the chase.

"We? Why there's nothing _we_ can do."

Gibbs looked puzzled.

"I think you're the only one who can help him now."


	11. Chapter 11

_Hi folks!_

_As you can see, I'm working hard on churning this one out as fast as I can. So I apologize to those who I didn't get to thank personally for their reviews. Consider this quick update a token of my gratitude. ;o)_

_-Moki_

Chapter Eleven

_  
"But only if you mean it." _

-------------------

Sitting in the darkened and quiet room, Gibbs couldn't sleep, unlike the man lying in the bed next to him. Ducky's words still hung in the air and Gibbs knew that the old M.E. was right. Trouble was, how exactly was he supposed to help? DiNozzo wasn't showing signs of waking up anytime soon. He wasn't showing any signs of improvement either and that worried him more. It was as if the younger man had given up.

Gibbs had to try and get his agent to see that he was blaming himself needlessly. It was hard enough getting his Senior Field Agent to listen to him when he was awake. How was he supposed to get through to him now?

Then it occurred to Gibbs that maybe this could be exactly what they both needed. Gibbs wasn't comfortable baring his soul to people and Tony certainly wouldn't be comfortable listening to it.

Maybe he could say things to the man while he was asleep that he'd never to say when Tony was awake. Maybe then he could get through.

Since he had little choice, Gibbs decided to give it a try. Clearing his throat, he looked around to make sure that the corpsman on duty wasn't about to come in and check on the only patient currently in isolation.

"Tony…." Gibbs paused, not sure exactly what to say next. "Listen up. If I find out you're faking, I'll tan your hide."

Gibbs smiled a little, becoming more comfortable with the idea of finally telling the younger man what he thought, without having to hide it under gruff words and head slaps.

"I guess I understand why you haven't talked to me about all this. You thought I didn't trust you. That I blamed you. Maybe I did. Maybe a part of me did anyway."

The older man leaned forward and rested an arm on the bed, looking directly into the sleeping face before him.

"But I don't now. You hear me, DiNozzo? I don't. Neither does anyone else. McGee, Ziva, they don't either."

Gibbs sighed sadly.

"The only one blaming you for Jenny's death is you, Tony."

Tony's eyes fluttered a little, his body moving restlessly under the sheets. As if the other man had spoken out loud, Gibbs sighed and shook his head in reply.

"Okay, maybe you're right. Vance might blame you but I'm not going to let him keep blaming you. He wasn't there. He didn't know Jenny. He doesn't know what she would do. She killed herself DiNozzo. She may have used a bunch of dirtbags to do it, but it was still her choice. I'll make Vance see that."

Tony turned his head away, his brows furrowing in a pain Gibbs couldn't see. Momentarily afraid that the other man's condition had worsened, Gibbs looked worriedly at the machines. Nothing seemed to be different and after a glance to ensure that the corpsman hadn't noticed anything amiss, he relaxed.

"Don't turn away from me, DiNozzo," Gibbs said. "We're having this out. Now."

Tony coughed in his sleep and Gibbs reached forward to adjust the mask over his face, as the other man's restless movements dislodged it.

"The truth is that you couldn't have saved any of them. Blaming yourself isn't going to bring them back. You have to stop this. Do you really think this is what they want for you? Kate? Paula? Jenny?......." Gibbs paused

"Your mother?"

----------

Tony felt like he was still swimming. It didn't make any sense though. He thought he had gotten out of the water. Everything was moving around him, images and sounds passing before he could make any sense of them.

Every once in a while something would settle down long enough for him to see and hear it. He saw himself as a little boy, sitting in a long hallway outside of a room that held his mother. His father talking quietly to people in white coats.

Not wanting to see anymore of that day, the day his mother was taken from him forever, Tony pushed away. He floated off again, letting other images pass him by.

Somewhere in the darkness, he heard familiar voices. Ziva. McGee. Gibbs.

"_It's not his fault."_

He thought he heard them say it but he didn't want to believe it. Of course it was his fault, all of it was.

Wanting to get away again, he floated away to another place for a while.

Soon he heard the voices again. This time Ducky was talking about him, saying that he was asleep and he couldn't wake up.

That was silly. Of course he could wake up. He just didn't want to wake up. What was the point? Weren't they all better of without him there to screw everything up?

Tony swam away again and for a while he kept everything at bay. Images of Kate, Paula and Jenny tried to join the ones of his mother. When they did, he just pushed them farther aside.

Then a quiet voice entered the water. It cut through everything else and try as he might, Tony couldn't fight this one.

"_Tony….listen up. If I find out you're faking, I'll tan your hide." _

The threat made him smile. That was so like his boss to threaten him when he was already hurting. Despite himself, Tony found that he had to stay and listen.

"_I guess I understand why you haven't talked to me about all this. You thought I didn't trust you. That I blamed you. Maybe I did. Maybe a part of me did anyway." _

Tony frowned. Suddenly he wanted to swim away again.

"_But I don't now. You hear me, DiNozzo? I don't. Neither does anyone else. McGee, Ziva, they don't either."_

Was it true then? Did Ziva and McGee actually say the things that he thought he heard earlier?

"_The only one blaming you for Jenny's death is you, Tony."_

Tony felt anger inside him. As much as he trusted Gibbs, he knew in his heart that the other man was wrong. He felt like screaming. There was someone who blamed him. He knew it.

"_Okay, maybe you're right. Vance might blame you but I'm not going to let him. He wasn't there. He didn't know Jenny. He doesn't know what she would do. She killed herself DiNozzo. She may have used a bunch of dirtbags to do it, but it was still her choice. I'll make Vance see that."_

Tony felt his anger die down. His boss knew about Vance but could he really do anything about it? Was there a chance? He wanted to believe it but didn't dare.

Tony tried to swim away again. He couldn't afford to hope. Hope would only make the pain worse when the truth came out. He couldn't bear that.

"_Don't turn away from me, DiNozzo. We're having this out. Now." _

Tony still tried to fight but his boss continued and once again, he felt himself drawn to the familiar voice.

"_The truth is that you couldn't have saved any of them. Blaming yourself isn't going to bring any of them back. You have to stop this. Do you really think this is what they want for you? Kate? Paula? Jenny?.......Your mother?"_

The images around Tony stopped. Darkness returned but Tony welcomed the respite from the constant influx of things he didn't want to see. Silence settled around him and he thought about what Gibbs said.

Would his mother really want this for him? Would she be happy to see him suffering so much over her death? He knew the answer was no. She would never want that for him. She would want him to do well and live a wonderful life. She would want grandchildren.

And Kate? Paula? Jenny? What about them?

Once again, Tony knew the answer would be no. Kate had been his partner, they had held each other's lives in their hands many times. She wouldn't want or expect him to stop living just because she did. Paula and he may not have been able to make their relationship work but they had both wished each other well. Once again he knew she wouldn't want him to stop living just because she did.

And the same was true of Jenny. She had chosen to end her life on her own terms. She wouldn't want his life to end because hers did. If anything, she too would want him to go on, do well, become a team leader someday.

It occurred to him then that by beating himself up he was doing nothing but a disservice to the memories of these women that he admired so much. Each one had influenced his life, changed him, encouraged him, brought out the best in him. In short, they'd all had a hand in making him a better man.

What was he doing, beating himself up over them when it was the last thing they would want?

-------

Tony's eyes snapped open and he gasped at the sudden return to consciousness. The lights were low but to his retinas, unused to any light source for so many long hours, they burned. Reaching up to cover his eyes, Tony coughed uncontrollably and felt the sting of the needles in his arms, panicking at the temporary overload to his senses.

Soothing hands touched his shoulder and Tony relaxed automatically under the familiar touch.

"Hey, easy. You're gong to tear out something and then Ducky is going to kill both of us."

Closing his eyes to keep out the light until he got used to it again, Tony couldn't help but to smile.

"Hey Boss."

"Nice of you to join us, DiNozzo."

Before either of them could say another word the corpsman on duty was in the room and by Tony's bedside.

"Nice to see you awake, Agent DiNozzo. The whole crew is going to be happy to hear it." The man said as he quickly checked on the agent's condition.

"The crew?" Tony coughed the word out and was helped into a sitting position for a few moments until he got his breath back. Gibbs guided him back down onto the bed with a slight grin for his agent.

"Yep, practically the whole crew was out looking for you DiNozzo, including the entire Air Wing. Though personally I think it was because it gave them an excuse to run Flight Ops. I think they were getting bored."

Tony didn't reply, much too surprised to know what to say. That the entire crew would look for him was a shock. He knew Gibbs would come after him but he never thought the rest of the crew on board would care enough for him to send out the Air Wing. Maybe a few rescue choppers but the whole Wing?

Ducky came bustling in just then and Tony meekly submitted to more pokes and prods before being left alone with his boss once again.

Several seconds stretched out into an uncomfortable silence as neither knew what to say. Gibbs wasn't sure how much Tony would remembered from the conversation he'd had with him while he was asleep and didn't know where to begin next.

The truth was that Tony remembered all of it. It still felt like a dream but he knew which parts of it were real. Kind of like having something from real life (the sound of a radio or a phone) enter a dream and then waking up and realizing that the sound had actually been there all along.

It made Tony feel strange, knowing how much his boss had said to him, knowing that he may not have said it all if he'd been awake. It also made him realize that he had his boss to thank for his life, not just physically but mentally.

Clearing his throat nervously, Tony decided he'd better go ahead and say something, anything.

"So Gibbs, I guess….uh…I guess I owe you for my life," Tony began awkwardly.

"Yeah well, I guess that makes us even. For now." Gibbs replied seriously.

"Even?" Tony's brain was still not quite awake yet.

"I seem to recall you diving into the ocean to pull my ass out not too long ago."

"Oh right. That. So uh…."

"Hey DiNozzo, I always say apologizing is a sign of weakness. Never said anything about "thank you's"

"Oh. Well in that case, thanks Boss." Tony said with a smile.

"You're welcome…." Gibbs paused as he watched the grin on Tony's face grow wider.

"Oh and those are okay too. In case you were curious."

Gibbs held up a finger.

"But only if you mean it."


	12. Chapter 12

_Hey folks!_

_Thanks for all the great reviews. You guys are so good to me. :o)_

_This story is nearing its end and after this there will be probably only one more chapter (unless the Muse has more to say of course). _

_-Moki_

Chapter Twelve

_That just might make everyone happy…._

_-----------_

After sleeping for over 24 hours straight, Tony was surprised at how exhausted he still felt. He'd only been awake for a couple hours and already it felt like days. Gibbs kept him company in between check-ups every once in a while from the corpsmen and Ducky. It seemed no one wanted to leave him alone and Tony couldn't help but to feel a bit touched by all the attention. He'd been "alone" for so long he'd nearly forgotten what it was like to be surrounded by friends who actually cared for him.

It made him realize that he would have gotten through the nightmare he'd put himself through much sooner if Vance hadn't sent him out on assignment as an Agent Afloat. He doubted the other man realized it when he did it, but sending Tony out on his own right then was probably the worst thing in the world he could have done.

Sitting beside his bed and sipping yet another cup of coffee (he'd long ago lost track of how many he'd had at that bedside), Gibbs was thinking much the same thing. Jenny had already pissed him off by using his agent and not only nearly killing him in the process, but messing with his emotions while she did it. Now here he was again, cleaning up the aftermath of yet another Director's idea of what was best for his Senior Field Agent. When would they ever learn to leave his people to him?

"Hey, you tired?" Gibbs asked, watching as Tony's eyelids drooped despite his attempts to keep them open.

Startled back to wakefulness, Tony forced his eyes open wider and looked at his boss. Trying to look much more awake than he felt, he knew he wasn't doing a very good job of fooling the other man.

"Me? No Boss, not tired at all."

"What's your problem, DiNozzo? You wanna sleep? Sleep. I'm not going anywhere," and as if to prove his point, Gibbs took another sip of coffee and settled into a more comfortable position in the chair. Folding the newspaper in his lap, he found an article that interested him and started to read.

After a while, Gibbs felt eyes on him and he looked up to find a pair of green ones regarding him sleepily.

"What's up, DiNozzo?"

"I uh….I'm kinda afraid to go to sleep, Boss."

Gibbs bit back a smartass remark to that. Under normal circumstances he probably would've either teased the younger man relentlessly or threatened him. This time, Gibbs could see real fear in those eyes. Tony had been through hell over the past couple days and sleep hadn't exactly been his friend during most of it. Gibbs had borne witness to the delusions that had plagued the younger man and he really couldn't blame Tony at all for not wanting to see a repeat performance.

Gibbs sighed and put down the paper, leaning forward to talk to his agent softly.

"Nothing to worry about. We've been through all this, right? I'm not in the mood to have a one-sided chat with you again. You need to sleep, so sleep. Restful sleep this time. We clear?"

The order (for Tony wouldn't take it as anything less than an order) reassured the younger man more than anything else could.

"Got it. On it, Boss."

Tony laid his head down and Gibbs watched for a few minutes until his breathing stabilized, marking a deep sleep. He continued to watch the other man for a little while, at first to ensure that no nightmares marred the features, then just because it was rather soothing. Sort of like watching a child sleep.

Ducky had had a cot brought in for him and once he was sure DiNozzo was out for the rest of the night, Gibbs turned in himself.

----

Tony woke up groggy but feeling better than he had in a long while. He heard a slight snore off to his left and lifting his head up off the pillow, he saw Gibbs on the low cot near his bed.

Realizing that it was nature's call that had brought him out of sleep, Tony automatically went to get up, forgetting about the tubes attached to him. He nearly knocked over the IV stand but grabbed it just in time. Having been through the process before, he reached over and temporarily unplugged the machine from the wall so that he could roll it into the head with him.

It wasn't until he got his feet out of bed and went to stand up that he knew for sure he wasn't quite recovered yet. The wave of dizziness and nausea hit him suddenly and he sat down quickly with a groan. The motion set off a coughing fit and before he knew it, he was gasping for air.

Quick hands came up behind him, holding him steady and keeping him upright as he felt like he was going to literally cough up a lung. Funny how he'd heard that term a million times before he got the plague and never once did he think how it might feel.

When he was done coughing, Tony felt the same hands guide him back down onto the bed.

"Thanks Boss," he croaked.

"What the hell were you doing, DiNozzo?"

"Trying to go to the head."

"And nearly killing yourself in the process?"

"Yeah well…..I didn't know it would be that hard." Tony coughed again and Gibbs went out to get the corpsmen. Then he waited outside as the medic tended to Tony, giving the younger man some privacy. Gibbs had been bedridden before and he knew from experience the only way to get the job done was with a bedpan. It sucked but at least it was better than a catheter, he knew _that_ from experience too, as did Dinozzo.

He'd have to remember to remind Tony of that little fact if the younger man decided to complain about the bedpan.

"He's all settled now, sir," the corpsman interrupted Gibbs' thoughts and he nodded to the man. Walking back into the room, he yawned and stretched, looking at his watch.

"Mind keeping the excitement to a minimum for the rest of the night, DiNozzo? I still would like to get some sleep tonight."

Biting back a chuckle that turning into a light cough, Tony leaned back in his bed.

"Not another peep Boss. I promise."

Both of them were asleep not long after and they were able to rest peacefully the rest of the night.

The next morning Ducky came in to find Gibbs awake and already into his first cup of coffee. Tony was still sleeping soundly and didn't even notice as Ducky put a blood pressure cuff around his arm. When the instrument squeezed the life out of his arm, he finally awoke, looking around in alarm before realizing that there wasn't actually a deadly snake attacking him.

"Jeez Duck, you gotta warn a guy before you do that," Tony complained sleepily, spitting out a few coughs in the process.

Hardly chagrined, Ducky removed the cuff and put his stethoscope to Tony's chest.

"Tut, tut my dear boy. I was trying to let you rest."

"Yeah well, that might've worked if that thing hadn't squeezed me so hard I started having a very disturbing dream about a boa constrictor."

Gibbs grinned into his coffee. The light banter (that on some days made him want to head slap the younger man into next week) was a welcome sign. If Tony was strong enough to give Ducky grief then he was obviously feeling a little better.

Tony complained about being hungry, despite the fact that they'd been pumping him with fluids and nutrients since his return. Liquid going in through a bunch of tubes wasn't the same as a real meal and after deciding that Tony's stomach could probably stand a little food, Ducky gave his permission for the man to have something light, and liquid.

After he ate, Tony slept the rest of the afternoon and Gibbs finally left his bedside long enough to take a shower and make a call to the Director.

Ten minutes later Gibbs was storming his way back down the various hallways to the ship's hospital. He had hoped to use Tony's condition to get him transferred back to D.C. but Vance wasn't having it.

As he walked into the clinic, Gibbs saw Tony talking with Ducky and was encouraged by the fact that the man was starting to look better. He thought he would have some good news to report but considering Vance's attitude, Gibbs decided not to mention the call at all.

"Ah Jethro, there you are. I was just getting ready to tell Tony about the move."

"Move?" Tony asked.

"Yes my dear boy, you're no longer critical so we're moving you out of isolation."

"Oh." For one fleeting second, Tony had thought that maybe Ducky meant he was moving off the ship and back home. He hid his disappointment and smiled as best he could for the M.E.

Not fooled for one second by Tony's attempt to hide how he felt, Gibbs stepped forward.

"Don't ask me how Duck managed to get you your own quarters though. I'm thinking we should start checking around to see if any of the officers have extra contraband on board. Cuz I think he must've bribed one of them with something."

Gibbs and Ducky exchanged grins as they saw Tony perk up immediately. Now that he was feeling better he wasn't enjoying isolation, but the idea of being in the main medical area wasn't that great either. Like everywhere on the ship, it was small, cramped and always crowded with people. Quarters to himself, even if temporary, sounded like heaven.

"An officer's quarters? For me?" he asked, surprised.

"Well not _just_ you," Gibbs said. "That is unless you mind having a roommate."

"Nope, not at all." Tony grinned.

Much as he would like to have protested, Tony didn't argue when they sent a couple men in with a stretcher for the move later that day. After the previous night's fiasco, he knew he was in no shape to walk even a few short steps, let alone down the passage to his new quarters. A wheelchair was out of the question as well, they being useless on a ship due to the knee-knockers in all the corridors.

Once the transfer was done, he was allowed have some soup for dinner. Gibbs and Ducky joined him with their own meals and he felt almost normal as they all talked while they ate.

The day's activities took a lot more out of him than he realized though. Gibbs had to get up and rescue the nearly empty soup bowl before it fell out of the agent's hands as he nodded off.

Trying very hard not to laugh at the image of Tony nearly passing out in his soup, Gibbs and Ducky went back to their own meal. Once they were done, Ducky went off to the quarters he was sharing with the other medical personnel, leaving Gibbs on a cot near Tony's bunk.

After another couple days of that routine, Tony's strength continued to build quickly. He was able to walk on his own to the head and began eating regular food (which made the agent even happier).

Gibbs was happy that Tony was doing well but he also knew that it meant his time aboard the ship was coming to an end. Vance put up with him being gone only for so long and the other man's patience was about at its end. A couple days earlier the Director had also started enquiring as to when his M.E. would return. Tony was doing better but he wasn't one hundred percent recovered (physically or mentally) and Gibbs was still reluctant to leave him completely alone.

Walking back from another phone conference with D.C., Gibbs pondered the situation. He and Ducky had received orders to return immediately and he was trying to figure out how to tell Tony he would be back on his own again. As he neared the room they had shared for the past couple days, suddenly an idea struck him and he snapped his fingers as he formulated a very unusual plan.

_That just might make everyone happy…._


	13. Chapter 13

_Hi folks!_

_Here's the final chapter and first off I just wanted to apologize. It appears that I gave the wrong impression to many of you as most seem to think that Tony would be returning home at the end of this story. This story is meant to happen between Last Man Standing and Agent Afloat and I always intended to end it on the carrier. But I think that y'all might still enjoy this chapter and Gibbs' big "surprise". _

_Hope you like it. :o)_

_-Moki_

Chapter Thirteen

"_Agent Afloat to the fantail. Agent Afloat to the fantail. Double time!"_

----------

The next morning, Gibbs pulled Ducky aside and let him know of his plan, then left DiNozzo in the M.E.'s care while he went to put it into place.

Tony knew something was up between Ducky and Gibbs but he just assumed it had to do with the two of them needing to get back to D.C. Tony wasn't an idiot. He knew that now that he was getting well, Vance would want two of his best men back where they belonged.

So it came as no surprise when, during dinner, Gibbs told Tony that he and Ducky would be leaving the next day.

"Not a problem, Boss. Appreciate the help but I'm good now, you two should get back to your lives and jobs."

"DiNozzo, sometimes I think fixing you after you get in trouble _**is**_ my fulltime job," Gibbs replied with a wink, shoveling down another mouthful of his dinner.

Tony barked back laughter. "Ha ha, very funny."

The three men continued to joke throughout the rest of the meal, Ducky and Gibbs obviously trying to keep Tony's spirits up. The camaraderie only made Tony feel worse after it was over, knowing that the next day the two men would be gone. Both of them had always been his biggest supporters and it was with both of them that he felt the most comfortable. He didn't let his guard down often but Gibbs and Ducky were the ones who saw it down more often than nearly anyone else in his life.

The next morning, Ducky and Gibbs grabbed their gear and Tony was allowed to walk them outside. As they made their way to the deck, the agent was surprised by how many crewmen and women stopped him to say how happy they were to see him up and around again. A few even eagerly asked how soon he would be back on duty. It touched him to feel wanted and Tony began to feel a little better about Gibbs and Ducky leaving him, but only a little.

When they reached the flight deck, Tony was caught off guard to see that the Seahawk was docked. He had been locked inside for so long that he had lost track of her schedule, completing forgetting that it was Friday and most of the crew would be off on leave for the weekend.

Since they were docked, Gibbs and Ducky were being driven to a nearby airport and Tony walked them down the ramp and to their waiting car. After saying their goodbyes, Tony turned around to walk back to the ship, trying hard to not let his disappointment show too much.

"Where do you think you're going?" Gibbs asked Tony's retreating back, causing the younger man to turn around uncertainly.

"Uh…back to the ship?"

"Nope. Not until our replacement gets here," Gibbs and Ducky shared a smile, leaving Tony looking back and forth between the two in puzzlement.

"Your replace….."

"TONY!!!!!"

Before Tony could say or do anything else he was suddenly engulfed in a huge hug, the hugger nearly hanging off of him in their excitement. It wasn't until he extricated himself from the arms surrounding his neck that he got a good look at who it was and his mouth opened in happy shock.

"Abs?"

She smiled widely before running over to give Gibbs and Ducky their own bone crunching hugs, then turned her attention back to Tony. Putting an arm around him, she held on tight, waving at the other two men.

"Okay guys, your shift is over. Sciutto's on call now and I'll be taking good care of our Tony-boy, don't you worry."

Ducky raised a finger warningly. "Now remember Abby, we expect daily reports from you. Your hotel is very close by so if anything goes wrong, call the number I gave you and a corpsmen will be there right away."

"Aw c'mon Ducky, you know I won't let anything happen. Tony's gonna be all better in no time, just you wait and see."

Too dumfounded to say anything, Tony could only wave farewell to his other friends as Abby dragged him off in another direction.

"Okay so Gibbs got us a great room in a little place nearby. I can't stay on the carrier of course. I mean I'm an employee of NCIS but I'm not an agent and the paperwork is just too crazy. But luckily the ship is on leave this weekend and Gibbs got the captain to say it was okay for you to go on leave. Well you haven't really been on duty in a while but you're still recovering so he said take as much time as you need. I haven't taken a vacation in _forever_ so the Director let me go. I think Gibbs told him it was either that or he and Ducky were going to stay. So poor old Vance had to agree. Gibbs sure is sneaky isn't he? I mean you didn't guess the surprise did you?"

All the time that Abby was chattering away, she was guiding them to a hotel, checking them in and getting them to their room. It was a large suite with two bedrooms, two baths, a living and dining area and a kitchen with a fully stocked fridge.

Tony couldn't believe what he was seeing. Just a few short minutes ago he'd been so sure that he was going to be spending the last days of his recovery alone and now he was with one of his best friends in the world. Abs was like the baby sister he never had growing up and after Ducky and Gibbs, the next person he trusted the most.

Abby chose the first bedroom (it had the in-suite bathroom of course) and Tony was left with the second one. Gibbs and Ducky had managed to pack a bag for him. It had been brought up with Abby's luggage (hers easily distinguishable by the variety of skulls) and he took it to his room without protest at the room assignments, much too happy to care where he slept.

They had lunch in their room and afterwards, Tony took Abby for a short tour around the city. The Seahawk had docked there once or twice before and he showed her a couple of places that he knew she would like. Soon she demanded they head back to the hotel, claiming that both Gibbs and Ducky would have her hide if she allowed him to exert himself too much.

Already feeling a bit tired (though heartened by the fact that he had been able to keep going much longer than he thought he would), Tony willingly allowed himself to be taken back to the room. There he got another surprise when he found that one of Abby's bags had been filled to the rim with nothing but DVDs. Most of them his favorites, and some he'd never seen before but Abby thought he would like.

They treated themselves to room service for dinner and sat down to relax and watch movies. Tony dozed off after the first one and Abby left him there as she watched a couple more on her own. Finally she nudged him awake and sent him to his room.

The next morning Tony was still sound asleep when a familiar voice jarred him awake.

"DiNozzo!" Abby was standing in her black and red pajamas (with skulls of course) in his doorway, tapping her foot impatiently.

"What?" Tony groaned, rolling over and trying to go back to sleep.

"Get your lazy butt out of bed. Your breakfast is almost ready."

"I'm an invalid. You're supposed to let me sleep, Abs." Tony argued feebly.

"Nope, Ducky said you need to eat properly _and_ you need to get back onto a normal schedule. So move it or lose it!"

Tony groaned harder and dug his face further into the pillows.

"C'mon ya big baby. If you eat your veggie omelet I promise I'll let you have ice cream for dessert tonight."

Tony was out of bed so fast Abby was surprised the sheets didn't come with him. She giggled as she followed him into the kitchen and served the special breakfast she had prepared.

The next couple days went much the same and Tony improved tremendously. Ducky and Gibbs had seen to his physical health before they left but it was Abby who saw to it that his spirit was healthy.

The visits from the crew had helped a lot too. Tony had been surprised on the first day to hear a quiet knock on their door and open it to some crewmen wanting to check on him and see how he was doing. After that, there was a fairly steady stream of people coming to visit, always briefly so as not to disturb them but enough to show that he was missed.

On the final day, Tony felt better than he had in longer than he could remember. His body was strong again, the burns on his face and neck completely healed and the nagging cough nothing but a distant memory. The nightmares were gone as well and Tony was beginning to feel like a new man.

Tony walked Abby to the car taking her to the airport and hugged her hard before putting her inside.

"Whoa!" Abby said with a laugh.

"What?" he asked.

"Well usually it's me crushing you to death, not the other way around."

"Sorry."

"No don't apologize, it means you're all strong again. Like your normal self."

"Thanks for everything Abs." Tony smiled as he realized just how right she was.

"You know Gibbs will have you back soon, right?" Abby looked at him seriously for a moment.

"Yeah I know. I also know that I have stuff to do here," he replied.

"Good. See you soon." They hugged again, Abby kissed Tony on the cheek and he kissed her on the forehead."

"Bye, Little Sister."

"Bye, Big Brother."

-----------

_Two weeks later…_

Tony leaned over the rail on his private "balcony". Enjoying the salt air and the breeze. After two weeks of willingly (and enthusiastically) doing nothing but work, his office had felt cramped again. Deciding that he needed the space of the open sea, even if only for a few minutes, Tony had once again headed out to his favorite spot.

Fully recovered he was feeling better than he had since…..Jenny's death…he forced himself to think of it. It still hurt to think about sometimes but he found he could think of her without the deep ache and guilt that came before. Tony still missed home and the rest of the team but the constant ache in his heart had let up a bit.

"_Good work you've been doing, DiNozzo,"_ Tony heard a familiar voice and wasn't startled to see an image of Gibbs. The man was leaning over the railing with a coffee cup in hand. Unlike the visions he'd had in the water, this one was a welcome sight.

"Thanks Boss," he replied with a smile.

"_Being Agent Afloat agrees with you finally, I see,"_ Gibbs added, taking a sip of out of his cup and eyeing his agent critically.

"Yeah well, guess I needed to do this. Not that I'd mind going home now. How's that coming along by the way?"

"_Working on it."_

"Okay well not too long, okay Boss? I mean I've learned a lot from all this but you and I both know that I belong in D.C.."

Gibbs smiled secretly, "_Who knows DiNozzo? Maybe you'll be seeing me again sometime soon. You never know when a case might bring the team here."_

Tony looked at his boss. Did the man know something he didn't?...

Before he could ponder more on his boss' cryptic comment, Tony's head snapped up as a familiar call could be heard echoing across the ship. Seeing that the other man had disappeared, he started running as fast as he could. It was time to get back to work.

"_Agent Afloat to the fantail. Agent Afloat to the fantail. Double time!"_

The End

_Well there it is folks, the end of my latest story. I can't tell y'all how much fun I've had writing this. In the course of starting this story, I got laid off from work. Writing this story and reading all your wonderful reviews helped me so much to get through some rought times and I can't thank y'all enough. In fact it is because of you guys that I have decided to go into freelance writing fulltime. Yes I know it's a challenge but I think I can do it. _

_So stay tuned. I'm already working on a couple new stories and just trying to decide which one to start posting first. One will be another tale of Gibbs and Tony (this time on horseback) and the other is a story that centers a little more on McGee and Tony in a brotherly, friendship way, kind of like the relationship they had in earlier seasons – where they teased and fought but were still friends in the end. Though Gibbs will also play a big role in that one too, this time being Papa to both of his "boys". _

_Also stay tuned to my Profile page and my Author's Notes as I will be letting y'all know when my work is published online so you can go check it out. :o)_

_Thanks again! You guys are the best!!!_

_-Moki  
_


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